A Beautiful Break-up

Have you ever been in an unhealthy romantic relationship? Wow – look at that show of hands. Looks like most of us have. I don’t know how we get in to these relationships, but I do know that it’s way easier than getting out of them. I think that in the beginning all appears to be normal. Our attraction to the person often overrides any initial doubt we may have. Then somehow, months down the road, we find ourselves in unhealthy relationships that aren’t life giving, but tend to devalue us and invite all kinds of darkness into our lives – anxiety, insecurity, and bitterness to name a few. In the midst of these storms, it’s hard to see that. It’s hard to see and believe the truth when you’re living in the dark.

I realized recently that though I’ve considered myself single for years, I’ve actually been in a serious, long-term relationship with one of the worst boyfriends this world has ever seen, and I've decided to officially break up. I met this “boyfriend” when I was young. We met about 20 years ago when I was in a really vulnerable place. Looking back, I think he saw a scared little girl and made his move. He knew that more than anything she wanted to feel in control, safe and loved. Though that is nothing he could ever provide her, he put on a mask and tricked her into thinking he could. They began to spend so much time together that at some point along the way, being with him just seemed so normal. Though she never felt safe or loved by him, he made her believe that there was no way she could ever leave their relationship – she began to feel like a prisoner. And what’s worse, when things in her life became rocky, he would make her feel even more unworthy, sad, scared, and confused.

At this point, you're probably wondering who "he" is. You’ve no doubt met him before, and many of you have been caught up in a scandalous affair with him as well – no, he has not remained faithful to me only. His name is Fear, and as mentioned before, I’ve made the decision recently to completely break up. And it’s not one of those break ups where we are going to try to remain friends and stay in contact once in a while. I know he wants that and more, but this has to be the most drastic break up I’ve ever had. I’ve deleted his phone number and removed him from all of my social media accounts. Though he tries to reach out (a lot), I make every attempt to reject him. I am believing that as time moves on, he will try less and less to engage with me and will eventually give up.

This is not a possible task on my own. You see, I’m in a new relationship with Jesus. We’ve been together for about 7 years, and though I’ve loved Him all along, it’s been hard to give myself fully to Him because of my ongoing relationship with my ex – for they are enemies in nature. Jesus is the most patient and gracious man that’s ever lived. So He’s waited on me my whole life. Even in moments and seasons where I gave in fully to Fear, He never left my side. Actually, He has drastically pursued me. He’s told me all along that our relationship is a brand new beginning - I’m new and I don’t have to give in to Fear anymore, for His perfect Love fights Fear. He’s the One who’s told me to simply stop inviting Fear in, to stop talking to him and engaging with him because I don’t have to anymore. My new relationship with Jesus is full of unconditional love, peace, acceptance, and joy. And as I give more of my time and energy to this relationship, there will not be room for the bad ones. My new “boyfriend” wants all of me – because I actually belong to Him and no one else.

This is not going to be an easy journey. I am aware that at any moment, Fear could show up at my front door and remind me of lies that I have believed for so long. But I’m making a choice. I’m choosing Jesus. I’m choosing Love. I’m choosing to believe what He tells me, which sounds really different and strange because I've spent so much of my life listening to my ex. I believed his lies and manipulations: “you’re not really loved”, “you can’t do this”, “what will they think of you?”, “you’re never going to be free of this”, “this is the way it is so get used to it”, and “you’re not good enough”. It’s sad that this went on for so long, but I’m eternally grateful that Jesus rescued me and has remained faithful to me all of these years. I can’t ever repay Him and He doesn’t ask me to. He’s Love. He just desires to love me in ways I only dreamt of and always thought were for others and not myself. I was wrong. I am worthy of His love, simply because He says so. I’m His, and I can’t wait to see our story unfold.  So, goodbye, Fear – I don’t want to hear your voice or see your face again. You look and sound completely different than Jesus, and He is the one I choose to listen to and look at for the rest of my days.

Amen.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. (1 John 4:18 NLT)