Freedom in Choices

Decisions are so hard. Can I get an 'amen'? Well, decisions are incredibly hard for me at least. I noticed this about myself at a young age - an inability to make a quick decision because I would think so much about all of the different options, their possible outcomes, and would ultimately be scared to commit to one in particular. I hated making decisions because it eliminates the possibility of the other option. It also means that I'm making a definite choice; and what if that choice is wrong and the other one could have been better? This is usually what is swirling in my mind in the midst of decisions, especially big ones.

The biggest and hardest decision I have ever made was leaving the Dominican Republic, a place where I lived and served and grew and changed over the course of three years. I loved it so much and the people there became a second family to me. When the time came for me to leave or stay, to sign another contract or go, I was perplexed. There was a deep sense within me that said, 'it's time to go', but my heart was attached and I had planted roots there and ultimately was desiring the desire to stay. After months of tormented and scared thoughts and a divided heart, I made the official decision to leave. I cried a lot and spent months in the States truly believing I had made a mistake. "I messed up - should I go back? What do I do now?"

Obviously I stayed here in the States. I did not return. The deep sense of needing to leave it behind was still present, even though I missed it and wanted to continue enjoying the selfless love of the people and speaking Spanish and going on motorcycle trips and looking at the amazing stretch of mountains into eternity. And loving the kids and people I served. It was hard, but in the end it was the right decision. I just made my first visit there after leaving a year and a half ago, and that truth was confirmed. I did feel a calling to leave and I've been blessed in so many ways by making that decision.

I share this because there was a lot of fear mixed up in my decision, and a sense of wanting it all and not wanting to lose anything. As I move on in life and realize that I will continue making decisions daily, honing my decision-making skills (that do exist by golly) will be important. I think a lot of my journey over the past few years with several large decisions has been God strengthening and teaching me. He's proved Himself faithful through them all, and He's brought me to a place that says, 'I don't want to continue analyzing and thinking about decisions until I'm blue in the face. I want to follow and trust the Morning Star deep within me who always guides me in the right way.'

The truth is, dear child (Mallory and readers), that this is a beautiful journey we're on with God. He is not the God of confusion and uncertainty - He's the God of peace, joy, love, freedom, grace, mercy, and the list of goodness goes on. God created us with the ability to analyze and make our own choices, but the analyzing should not outweigh courage and trust. Of course God wants us to make decisions with care. But when we feel lead by Him to make a certain decision (Jesus said, "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me."), we should go for it. He is constantly creating newness - new seasons, new opportunities, new growth. It is not like Him to leave things as they are (thank goodness). So, when He does call us into newness of life, He wants us to follow. He knows it's going to be hard and He's compassionate, but He also knows how awesome it's going to be and wants us to get on board! He did not make a promise that the right thing would be easy. It may not appear to be 'perfect' and make absolute since. But I really believe this: God gave us the gift of making our own decisions, He is part of those decisions if you let Him be, and we don't have to be scared because He will take our whole lives and make them into a beautiful part of our redemption story. He works good in ALL things for those who love Him.

I'm reflecting a lot about my own personal experiences and why I don't like making decisions and what God says about them. I'd encourage you to do the same. Is there something God has been laying on your heart or even telling you to do, and you just can't quite make the decision to do it? Is it fear or uncertainty that is gripping you? Well, if so, compare your answers to God's answers. He's the God of freedom. We have freedom to make our choices! And He helps us and guides us! And we don't have to be scared! Let's conclude with two specific points of action: look forward and not behind, and remember that the outcome, whether good or bad, is not bigger than God's promise to make things good no matter what. He will weave our mistakes and flaws into the beautiful tapestry of our beautiful stories. Be free - it's His gift to you.

Holding on...

I think one of the most important things we can do as God's children is to hold on to His promises. Though we spend our lifetime learning to trust Him more and growing in faith, I think it's important to take inventory and reflect on how much we are actually trusting Him in the moment we're living in. It seems to me that in times of distress, most of us will turn to that sense of trust or faith simply because we feel we have nothing left. I have learned that it's not really the best way to function as His children. It's like being that child that only calls their parent when they are in trouble or comes home when they have nowhere else to turn.

God makes a lot of promises in His word. A lot. The whole Bible is full of knowledge that leads to the Person of God - who He is, what He's like. And everything He says is true, and He can not lie. But let's not continue saying things like "God keeps His promises", "He can't lie", "Just trust God", if we do not truly mean it. They are nice Christian sayings that we've adopted if we've spent enough time in Bible studies or church. But if we do not believe them - if we don't meditate on their truth - if we do not put them into practice on a regular basis, our words are empty and don't bring the life that they should.

I love this passage from the Message:

Romans 4:13-15: That famous promise God gave Abraham - that he and his children would possess the earth - was not given because of something Abraham did or would do. It was based on God's decision to put everything together for him, which Abraham then entered when he believed. If those who get what God gives them only get it by doing everything they are told to do and filling out all the right forms properly signed, that eliminates personal trust completely and turns the promise into an ironclad contract! That's not a holy promise; that's a business deal. A contract drawn up by a hard-nosed lawyer and with plenty of fine print only makes sure that you will never be able to collect. But if there is no contract in the first place, simply a promise - and God's promise at that - you can't break it.

This is a wonderful illustration of what God's promises are like. They are firm, unshakable and not dependent on human performance. God's promises totally depend on Him - they do not depend on us at all. If we know then that what God speaks is totally true and non-dependent on us, then why do we live as if they aren't true and do depend on us? Is that the way you view God's promises?

I would challenge you, reader, (and myself) to pick some of God's promises, and believe them. Really believe them. The one I've been focusing on over the past few months is from Romans 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. This verse says to me that no matter what happens in my life, whether good or bad, whether I cause it or not, God will use it for my good. He will turn it into a positive for me. Well, if that's true, I can't lose! I may have to walk through tough times, but in the end, everything will be alright and I will be on top of my situation, because that is God's perfect will for me!

Again, let's go forward believing God. Start with a couple of His promises, and practice believing them, even on a "normal day" where you aren't normally tuned into those promises. We don't want to live our life wrapped up in a lie - we want to live it free in His truth and grace! Enjoy His promises, dear child - He's perfect and He won't let you down.