It's all about the heart

I don't know about you, but I think the most fun thing about being in a relationship with God is hearing, experiencing, and being led by Him. We hear a lot of stuff from a lot of different sources. It's overwhelming at times: the constant bombarding of various voices, opinions, teachings, and perspectives. Sometimes I hear something come out of my mouth and I'm surprised when I realize I don't even think I believe it, but have heard it so much that it's become truth to me. What I say may even be the truth, but if I haven't learned it on my own or heard it myself from God, I feel like it's something I've borrowed - that it's not really my own.

The really cool thing is when you receive revelations and truths directly from God. Then it becomes part of your testimony - your story. Well, after years of saying that God cares more about our hearts than our actions, about who we are than what we do, I can finally say that I really believe it, and that God has really told me so.

I've honestly been going through a weird time recently - it would be appropriate to call it a slight depression. I've questioned my faith, felt weak, tired, and burned out, which has caused me to want to sink back and withdraw, especially in regards to the Christian religion. I'm thankful for a gracious God who saw that, who sees me, and who has always known that this time would come. The moment I began thinking about my discontentment with life and all I was doing, God immediately confronted my heart. It was quickly brought to my attention that my heart was not in the right place. I was sick of all I was doing because my heart was sick. And what really struck me was that the Lord did not convict me for not wanting to serve in church or do certain activities I used to do - He actually told me that it was OK to stop some of it if I needed to. What he did want for me was a healed heart. He didn't care that I wasn't "performing" like I used to. And I have really begun to learn for myself that the Lord actually wants me to be healthy, and my heart in particular. He of course wants me to serve. I was made to have a servant heart. But my heart condition matters when it comes to serving and doing.  It affects my attitude and the manner in which I serve.

God is a good Father. I'm learning that. Let me use an analogy; I love analogies. So think of the most perfect dad. Then think about a child who all of the sudden becomes sad and is not acting like themselves. They might have 10 things left on their chore list and a soccer practice to go to and homework to finish. Would this perfect dad be harsh with them for not completing their tasks? Would he yell at them and tell them to get over it and keep moving? Or would he sit down beside them and rub their back and ask them why they're feeling that way? Would he care enough to get to the root of their problem, encourage them, and set them in the right direction? I personally think the latter would be true. And I also think that all of those chores and practice and homework would be important to the perfect dad. He would want his child to finish what they started, but he would first address them and their heart, dealing with the root cause of why they are feeling that way. It is far more important than certain tasks not getting done. I bring this up because if God is the Father, and He is perfect, then He is the perfect Father. This is what He must be like.

The truth I've come to know is that the condition of our heart matters. We lose sight of that a lot. We tend to try and measure how we are doing by what we are doing or how much we have (or don't have). We as Christians have a bad habit of making our own standards of "good living" and what "faithful" or "loving God" really looks like. The most dangerous part of that is that these standards are not God's; they are our own. Jesus warned against this in regards to the Pharisees and other religious leaders. Their heart conditions were very ill, but they appeared to be the most righteous people around. However, the Lord called them out continuously for not really understanding or getting it, and for actually preventing others to come to the knowledge of God.

I am realizing that God's will for our lives has less and less to do with what we're doing, but with the condition of our hearts. God's will for our lives is to know His Son and to be conformed to the likeness of His image. No matter what our titles are: a millionaire, an artist, a homeless person, a stay-at-home mom, a stay-at-home dad, unemployed, a missionary, a pastor, or a teller at the bank. That fact does not matter. It really doesn't hold a lot of weight with God. He cares about us, our well-being, our sanctification, and our hearts.

So, let's pray the prayer that David prayed- "Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way" (Psalm 139:23-24). David got it. He did a lot of "bad things" in his life. He was far from perfect, but he longed to be perfected by God. He invited Him to really search and restore him, and we should do the same. And we can be sure that since God is so concerned with the matters of the heart, this prayer will always be answered.