Emotions are really intense, especially for those of us who feel just about everything, within themselves, others, and in the atmosphere around them.
I got beat down this week. I didn't talk to God for days. I didn't want to. I was mad at Him and had given up on Him.
He's my perfect Father though and I just knew that the picture of us standing there was like a small child throwing a fit while her incredibly patient father bent down and gently said, "Baby, you may not like this right now, but it's the best thing for you. I know 'cause I love you, believe in you, and want the best for you."
Looking back, those moments were sweet because they were real. I'm pretty over not being real with God in how I'm feeling or with what's going on. He's seen everything since before time. There is no hiding from Him so I may as well come out naked from behind the bushes.
God cares so much about our growth and development into the people He created us to be that He is never concerned or worried about our momentary trials. I think He cares - I think He can relate - I think He grieves with us, but I think He is so confident about the good that's going to come out of each trial and the beauty He can create out of ashes that He many times does not remove us from a situation or from this world simply because it hurts and we beg Him to. You cannot control Him, and I love that.
My Lord wants me to take hold of all the promises, gifts and life that He's given me in Jesus. He wants me to be the bold, courageous, God pleasing, truth and justice loving, merciful, wonderful child that He created me to be. Though I have received everything at once from Him, I am not yet perfect. I am still being made into the likeness of Christ and am learning to walk in the new life He's given me. As God rids me of past habits and ways of living and thinking, it is painful - so painful I often allow the trial to overtake my mind, pulling my focus off of Jesus and leaving me in a flailing state of confusion and bitterness.
This time of testing and molding is not finished. Not even close. But I want more. That is the Holy Spirit. Without Him, I would simply desire a painless life of comfort and carelessness. I know because that's what I desired before I knew Him. Now I desire Him and to be more like Him. So, if that means more moments of telling Him that I simply cannot talk to Him and feeling like I'm walking through a desert, bring it on.
Just promise You'll keep shining Your light to bring me back home.
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