Where is home?

This is a difficult question to answer once you physically leave home. Home, I think, is generally thought of as the place where you grew up, where your roots are. Again, what happens when you create roots somewhere else? Is the question really that simple? After leaving my own home and serving as a missionary for nearly three years in the Dominican Republic, with only short stents in other places, I've been prompted to think about this more. Besides the fact that I myself started feeling that the D.R. was another home, and lived among people who felt like family, I have now met and known people that have spent a grand majority of their lives in countries that are not their "own". Many that I have met have spent decades in a country they did not grow up in, and some are being raised in that country, away from the place where everyone looks like them and where their extended family lives. I remember when I first started getting to know a fellow missionary who had spent a decade in the D.R. She expressed the confusion it often brought to her and her family, especially in times of traveling back and forth. I met her very shortly after she had returned from living in the States for a year for her family's missionary furlough. I loved what she said. It went something like this, "After a while you get sort of confused about where you belong and where your real home is, but I feel like I have a stronger sense that Heaven is my real home, and is where I really belong." As I have now moved back to my original home in Raleigh and certainly feel at home, close to a place and people that are very familiar, I still feel different, marked by another place and people who became my home for a short time.

Because of my fellow missionary's impacting words, I have been thinking about God's promises of a place that will be new to us, but that is eternal and has been prepared for us. In the book of Revelation, John writes, "And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea" (Revelation 21:1). Time and time again, God speaks about the temporariness of life of this earth, and about the place that awaits us. Jesus says, "In My Father's house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you" (John 14:2). And Paul writes to the Corinthians an incredibly powerful statement. He says, "For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked" (2 Corinthians 5:1-3). 

It is unmistakable that there is a heaven that awaits us, and that Christ will make all things new when He returns. There is no other real, lasting comfort and hope in this life. His love is bigger than any and every circumstance, and His truth is the only truth that stands forever. As things change in my own life, and I am facing a brand new chapter, I am beyond comforted by my God, who never changes and who will continue to be faithful. And no matter where we go, He is with us; and no matter what new homes we make, it can not compare with the eternal home that awaits us. Thanks, God, because "if I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast" (Psalm 139:9-10).

Where does our confidence lie?

Recently, I believe God has been allowing certain circumstances, thoughts, feelings and other people to bring to my heart a theme of confidence and sufficiency, or rather insufficiency. As humans living in this broken world, how easy and tempting it is to feel unconfident or insufficient. A man is praised when he does something "good", when he is "good at something", or when he performs in a way that people want him to. As a result of this, it's not surprising that people often feel that they will not live up to other's standards, and that they are not sufficient enough to receive praise. As humans, we are often scared of failing, and when an opportunity arises and there is chance of that, our insecurities surface quickly. If we find our identity and self-worth in lack of failure, or in how good we are in the world's eyes, how sad and empty will we be when there are failures or letdowns; and these are inevitable because of our broken condition.

Yes, our condition is broken, but the God who created the heavens and the earth is not. He is also the God who created man and woman, which He made in his own image (Genesis 1:27). He was not the one who intended for them to feel insecure. After Adam and Eve were created, Genesis 2:25 says that, "The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame." The first time that they felt shame and were scared can be found in Genesis 3:10 after they have been deceived by the serpent, when God asks Adam and Eve where they are. Adam responds, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." God did not intend for us to feel scared, ashamed, unconfident, or insufficient; that happened after our fall.

But why should we feel confident and sufficient enough? Well, Genesis tells us that God created us, and David writes in Psalm 139:13-14, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." If we agree with David, if we think that God is perfect and that His works are good, why then do we not think that we are good enough if we are one of His works? Sure, we make mistakes and have weaknesses and are unholy, but God never makes mistakes, and He is holy. And as stated previously, we are made in His image. The point is that we can think of ourselves as good enough because of Him, because He is good enough. God's purposes are perfect, and He has purpose in every single one of our lives. We can rest in Him and have assurance of who we are in Him. 1 John 3:19-20 says, "This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything."

So, the next time we are lied to by the enemy or by other's, feeling as though we are insufficient and undeserving, let us stand firm in His word and in the truth that we were created by a perfect God who never makes mistakes, who gave us specific gifts, talent and beauty to be used for His glory! How special is that compared to using these gifts to get ahead in the world and to be sufficient enough, when God already believes that we are and He just wants us to believe it too. And anytime you feel unloved or unworthy, remember this proof that you are not:  For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).

I am thankful to the LORD for what He has revealed to me. My prayer is that I will be able to live as one who finds her identity and self-worth in the Lord, in who she is in Him and that she was made by His perfect hands. And as I reflect upon all of this, I think of the beautiful Dominican children that I serve. They need to know how beautiful they are and how special God made them to be. They need to find their self-worth in Him and in the truth that He is for them and with them always. Please help me pray that I will be able to teach and demonstrate this love to them! May God bless you richly, just because you are His.

Blessings through obedience

The longer I live as a believer of the Lord Jesus Christ, the more I believe in God’s blessings, and that the all-powerful, all-knowing God, without Whom nothing would exist, wants us to be blessed, to be full, to be healthy, to be whole. We are His, and as He explains through Luke in His scriptures, “If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” I believe that God is explaining to His children, and even more specifically to parents, that if you long to give good things to your children and comply with what they ask if it’s in their best interest, why would the Father, being holy and perfect, not do the same, or a million times more than that.

Ever since I accepted God’s gift of salvation through His Son Jesus Christ and received the Holy Spirit, I have been able to understand God’s way and His word in a way that I was not able to before. This is not surprising as it’s written in 2 Corinthians 3:16 that “whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.” Ever since this remarkable, life-changing instance, I believe that I have more understanding of God’s law—it’s purpose and importance. As the Lord spoke to me this morning, mainly through Psalm 119, I felt that I gained even more understanding about the blessings that come through obedience to His way and His law.

When it comes to blessings through obedience, we must remember that God’s ways and His thoughts are much higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). They are perfect. This means that a blessing through obedience could look very different than receiving some desired material item because you follow God’s laws, or things going exactly the way that you want. I do not believe that being a child of God means that our entire lives will run smoothly and be trouble-free. That is not what the Word teaches us, and thankfully we do not have to win our salvation or His blessings through our actions or performance.  However, I do believe that one great function of God’s laws is to protect us and to prosper us, that He wants us to keep His precepts because it is the best for us and because it brings glory to the King of Glory.

I remember shortly after becoming a Christian, about four years ago, the Holy Spirit began revealing all of this to me. He said, “Mallory, I want you to stop doing this thing because it’s hurting you and I don’t want that. I love you.” (Whenever I feel that I’m hearing God’s voice, it’s all about His love for me- Glory be to His great name.) As we begin eliminating certain sins from our lives, we begin to receive God’s blessings. I do not believe that God is watching down on us from heaven and when we start living life according to His laws, He gives us something we want as a pat on the back. Or that He punishes us if we start veering from His path as a spanking on the butt. However, it is quite logical that the “rules and regulations” that the perfect Lord God Almighty gave to us when we became imperfect are perfect in themselves. So, if we follow them and are obedient to them and to His voice in our lives, we will receive that blessing that is ours to keep in Christ Jesus.

As a quick example, recently I have wanted to wake up earlier to spend more time with God, praying, reading His word and meditating. I know this is something God wants for me as He speaks countless times in His word about making Him first in our lives. When I am tired and want to spend a few more minutes in bed, or when I’d rather use that time exercising and do not take the time to be with Him, my day goes differently. My heart and spirit are not as joyful, peaceful, or calm. When I do take that time in the morning, I am blessed. I do not receive anything material and my day is not mess free, but it does go differently because of my attitude and reaction to everything. This is 100% from the Lord-- the benefit of focusing on Him before I engage in anything, and just one example of the blessings that come from seeking Him and following His word. Whenever I feel that the Lord is leading me away from something or toward something, if I am obedient to that, the blessing is just there: HIS blessing.

Yes, God brought me back to this theme in the morning through Psalm 119, and what a beautiful prayer it is for His children.

I am laid low in the dust,

Preserve my life according to your word.

I recounted my ways and you answered me;

Teach me your decrees.

Let me understand the teaching of your precepts;

Then I will meditate on your wonders.

My soul is weary with sorrow;

Strengthen me according to your word.

Keep me from deceitful ways;

Be gracious to me through your law.

I have chosen the way of truth;

I have set my heart on your laws.

I hold fast to your statues, O Lord;

Do not let me be put to shame.

I run in the path of your commands,

For you have set my heart free.

 

Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees;

Then I will keep them to the end.

Give me understanding, and I will keep your law

And obey it with all my heart.

Direct me in the path of your commands,

For there I find delight.

Turn my heart toward your statues

And not toward selfish gain.

Turn my eyes away from worthless things,

Preserve my life according to your word.

Psalm 119:25-37 NIV

God bless you and keep you.

Peak into summertime...

Hi beloved friend. Hope you're having a nice end of the summer transition into fall. This summer was especially busy for me here in Jarabacoa, filled with new challenges, new people, and fun to be had! I am always thankful for your prayers that maintain and sustain me in the Lord Jesus.

As you may remember reading in my last update, I served as director of the older kid’s program in ANIJA this summer. This was one of my greatest challenges since being here in the D.R. I have never served in a leadership role like that and it ended up being one of those things that’s just harder and more work than you expected it to be.  Never being the leader of a program, one thinks (hopefully it’s not just me) that besides making sure everything runs smoothly, which it probably will, and distributing the funds and doing a bit of planning, there really won’t be that much to do or that much that can go wrong. It’s a program that’s run every summer; so, I’ll just fill this need, doing what I’ve seen others do in the past, and all will be peachy. Then, reality happens.

People are needy and you’re the one who’s supposed to meet those needs. Things aren’t planned and you’re the one who’s supposed to plan them. There is no way you can please everyone, but you try to with the decision that is always yours to make. And with not anticipating these things that go along with being a leader, you can drive yourself crazy going into it. And this is where I found myself at the beginning of this summer, trying to "fill a need" with a naïve attitude and mindset, and not being as prepared as I could have been.

However, the Lord is always faithful and after all was said and done, this was another one of His glorifying seasons in my life here. He taught me life-altering, invaluable lessons about humility, grace, and my own self-worth and sufficiency in Him. I've spent my whole life caring a lot about other's opinions of me, too much at times, putting a lot of my self-worth in what they think of me and my performance. This summer, I lied awake at night stressed out because of people's opinions of how I was running the summer program (most imagined I'm sure) and how much had gone wrong that day in my mind. This is the point where God really began to speak to me about who it was I was trying to please and whose opinion really mattered. As I’ve served on the field here for almost two years now, and have found myself in positions I never dreamed I’d be in, positions I wasn’t "prepared for”, I have seen my weaknesses and shortcomings more magnified than ever. That’s also where I’ve seen God’s grace and power magnified and where I’ve been humbled beyond belief, and I'm so thankful that He keeps bringing me to those points. My father is amazing in His goodness, and I'm grateful for all the personal challenges that this summer brought.

 

2013 Summer Highlights

·         One of the biggest highlights was that a service team from my home church, Holy Trinity, came down! It was incredibly encouraging to me, and watching God move throughout that week was awesome. Also, my brother Jason was on the team! :)

 

 

·         Leading 6^th, 7^th and 8^th grade in the ANIJA summer program each afternoon; we went to the pool, rode horses, baked, painted nails, biked, and took a trip to the movie theatre!

 

·         I did my first Bible study in Spanish on the book of Nehemias. It was a great experience and exciting when I could tell that the kids understood me, and even more when they understood what God was telling them through me! I love watching the Holy Spirit conquer language barriers.

·         In the mornings I spent my time at ANIJA as well. I worked with the younger children on the sponsorship project that we’re currently doing. Since summer program ended, I have been going around to the children’s homes to work on the projects there as well. I always enjoy being with them in their homes!

·         I was also more involved with service teams than ever before because of the volume of sponsors who came down. One of my duties as sponsorship site coordinator is to connect sponsors with their sponsor child when they are in town. I had the privilege on going on visits with the sponsors to their child's home almost weekly. Below is a picture of a child meeting her sponsors for the first time.

 

·         There were a group of ten interns living and working in Jarabacoa all summer. Although I didn’t get to know all of them well, it was an encouragement to be around them and to feel their excitement to serve God. I mentored one of the girls and that was a huge blessing.

 

What’s coming up

·         I just moved into a new house, which I really like, so my new roommate and I are still getting acclimated and setting everything up.

·         This semester, I’ll be working in the library again, training an assistant, and working with sponsorship. I’ll also be involved with the University program, mainly building relationships with the ladies. I’m very excited about this.

·         I have a trip home planned from Aug. 31^st – Sept. 9^th for a friend’s wedding. It will be a short trip, but I’m hoping to many of you while there!

Please continue to lift me up in your prayers. I am approaching this third year in a new, more organized way. Please pray I would maintain this new organization in my life here, would take time to rest, and would continue to carry out the work that God has put before me, and to know and remember what that is on a daily basis. Pray for opportunities to build deep, lasting relationships with the university girls and for the Bible study that we'll be doing in the fall. Also for continued involvement in my church here, that God would continue to use and grow me there as well.

I am beyond grateful for your on-going support toward God’s mission here in the D.R. May the children know His light and salvation!

Jesus said, " Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me and the 8th graders

As the librarian at ANIJA, I'm in a unique position because I have contact with almost every child in the school. Each class, first grade and up, have their weekly time with me; it's very interesting because I get to know the dynamic of each class and really what children are like at their various ages. To keep things honest, there are classes that I look forward to leading, and there are classes that keep me apprehensive and bring me to intimate prayer time with my God so that I remain obedient to His Holy Spirit, and basically remain loving in front of these children as opposed to screaming and trying to keep them "under control".

With that being said, 8th grade has turned out to fit more into the second category of classes than the first this year. Our time together is set for middle of the afternoon on Tuesday, right after gym class, and my wish to have them all come in, sit quietly, listen to my instructions, and enjoy a tranquil time in the library is lost within the first minute of entering the room. How do I get their attention without yelling? Will they respect me if I do not come down hard on them? Should I be stricter with my punishments? Why do I, after prayer and submission, find myself in tears some days when I feel so disrespected as adult and leader of the class? Am I a weak person?

God has given me much insight into the answers to these questions, though I will not share them now. My Tuesday afternoons with 8th grade have been some of the most challenging hours I've experienced here, and above you see some of the thoughts that race through my mind as I have endured them mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Last weekend, I had a lot of fun with 8th grade. Yes, the same group of 14 year olds that have flipped my world upside down on more than one occasion did the same last weekend. It was in a totally different way this time. I had the privilege of being a leader on their 8th grade retreat. A weekend they spent together at a place here in Jarabacoa where there were competitions, games, talks, food, swimming, and late night coloring on the poor faces of those who had gone to sleep too early. I so appreciated this time of not having to think of how strict I needed to be or how I should respond to their rowdiness; I was able just to join in!

After almost two school years of working in ANIJA, I have realized the importance of the kid's last year there. Many of them started attending ANIJA at four or five years of age. After many years of pouring into them, leading them and sharing the good news with them, many begin to make a turn in this last year. Several of the 8th grade kids accepted Christ as their Savior and made a decision for Him within the past couple of months during their mission trip or the retreat. These are really special opportunities where the kids are evangelized to by people other than the adults they see every day. A great Christ-follower, the same one who spoke at the retreat last year, spoke this year. He has an amazing gift of speaking to this age group; you can tell he has been given wisdom of how to relate to and approach them. Besides speaking about Christ as God and Savior, something that they have all heard many times, the guest speaker spoke about really important issues as well: how to choose your friends, sex, and dating, to name a few. We were constantly in the Word as he led talks about these topics; everything he said had scripture to back it up. Praise be to God for the opportunity for these very young souls to hear such truth.

My most encouraging moment of the weekend had to be on the last day. The talk that day was about sex and dating. Here in the Dominican, sexual promiscuity is not uncommon in the least, and young girls of 12 or 13 years old find themselves pregnant in a poor neighborhood where there is little hope because that is what they have grown up to know. That stops with Jesus. If only those girls could know how much He loves them, and how damaging and hurtful what they are doing is; how putting their trust in Him and following His ways will lead to life and hope.

That is what was shared with our young people that day, along with what the purpose of dating is, what the purpose of marriage is, why we do it, what God wants it to look like, and how to fight the temptation of making serious decisions prematurely. Afterward in small groups divided between the girls and boys, we were talking about all that had been said and the girls made such encouraging comments. One of them, who has practically yelled in my face and walked out of the library furious on different occasions, said something like this, 'I have over 10 siblings, from many different fathers; I have a sister who is pregnant at 13 and a cousin who is married (probably not legally) at 15, and the list goes on. But that is not what I want to be like, and I know that I can be the difference and be an example'. I was so proud, I could have cried. I have no idea what this young girl's life is like at home, though I do know she has been abandoned in some form and is living with family friends. God has her in ANIJA to open her to knowledge of who He is and what His truth means. She has obviously embraced that and I could not be happier. I have forgiven her of all the times she has offended me, not just because it's right to do, but because God has given her an immense amount of grace; who am I to try and give less. It's times like that, which I believe God is working within me as well, to encourage me in my existence here and to help me to be more merciful toward these children who come from really difficult, heart-breaking backgrounds.

I look forward to the next couple of months with the 8th graders, before they set out on their next journey of high school, outside of the ANIJA walls. I have a hunch that my once a week time with them will be different now. God bless them, God bless ANIJA, and may He continue to work mightily in their lives in these final weeks of school!

La Iglesia de Dios

This is my first blog post in almost six months! There is a bit of shame that comes with that, but blogging is something I have to be quite disciplined about. When something happens here in the D.R. that I find worthy of sharing, I rarely think in the online world. It's something I would like to change because there are beautiful things worth sharing - they all belong to the God of the Universe and to Him be the glory for each one of them.

I have been wanting to share, though, in my choosing of a church here in Jarabacoa. Even though I have been here almost a year and going to church every Sunday, I still had not felt like I found a church home or base until recently. It is something I felt that I was lacking; working every day as part of a ministry leaves you feeling like the ministry is your church, and the fellow missionaries are members of the congregation. But I do believe that many great things can come from actually being involved and present in a Dominican church, growing with brothers and sisters who do not share your background or skin color, but who serve and love the same Living God. I am eager to find out more about what those great things are.

La Iglesia de Dios, or The Church of God, is a Spirit-filled church that I began attending this summer. My good friend Kenia invited me to come check it out, and the first thing that wowed me was the strong Presence of the Holy Spirit. I felt immediate joy and peace upon entering and saw pleasing worship of God the whole time I was there. I think one of the saddest things about Christianity and the Church today is that it can seem boring to people. I don't feel like I was alive before I knew Jesus, and becoming part of His family is the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me, and for that matter, that could ever happen to anyone. If a building is filled with individuals who don't feel that way, it could seem dull, like they are attending some meeting or conference. This church, however, is different. Almost everyone, and especially the faithful members who have been part of it for years, are passionate about Jesus and His Kingdom. There is singing, clapping, dancing, outbursts and cries to the Only One who Saves because He has saved them and changed their lives. It is so very beautiful and I feel that my soul is benefitting greatly from coming into His presence and being surrounded by those individuals.

I also really appreciate the teaching there. It is truth and biblical, and thus not very "cushy". There are many fabulous women in the church who are gifted in speaking and teaching. There of course is a pastor and he speaks at times, but many times elders in the congregation give the message and it is such a blessing. Just the other week, a woman of about 65-70 years, was laying into the congregation a bit, in a loving way. She spoke about excuses and what we let get in the way of going to worship God or meeting with other believers or meeting with Him. She didn't respond to the issue in a light way: "I know that today's world puts a lot of pressures on and it's just so hard, but we really should try better." It was more like, "In my day there were no cars and a lot less comforts, but we had church services seven days of the week, and we Christians made sure we were at every single one, rain or shine, sick or healthy, hungry or full, with or without transportation." I did not take this as a religious statement, and like she was saying that God "requires" that of us or that you need it for salvation, but to grow as a Christian and to benefit from all God has for us, there are sacrifices that should and must be made, more than the excuses that are often said. (Galatians 6:9)

So, between the wonderful worship, passion of its people, and truth in its teachings, I have decided to attend La Iglesia de Dios regularly. Just last night, I also started helping with the Saturday night services that are held as an opportunity for members to bring friends and non-believers. I served as the one who writes down visitor's information. It was a bit difficult because I still don't know who the non-visitors are. However, I'm looking forward to continuing my service and attendance there. I am always the only white person and, as I'm learning to live with, a lot of stares come my way; so much that at times I just want my skin to be a few shades darker. That's a whole other subject, but it's funny how much attention you get when you live in another country of a different race; something to get over though and embrace the diversity, especially of His children.

Last thought. Fun fact. One of the visitors last night had on a very red t-shirt. As I looked closer, I thought I saw a little cartoon wolf and big "S" across the back. A random Dominican man was wearing a N.C. State t-shirt. For me, that was incredible. Thank you God for bringing me to La Iglesia de Dios, for hearing my prayers and leading my steps!

This, for me, was Haiti

There were only mere days before I left for Haiti that I found out we were going. This is the way life down here usually happens – plans are last minute more or less, and many times you aren’t quite sure what to expect as the weeks pass. I was excited to receive the news, but with few days to actually process the fact that I was going, the morning arrived and I felt a bit unprepared for what I was about to experience. I thought about how if I was going to Haiti from the States, on a mission trip or something, it would certainly be the focus of my energy and attention prior to departure.  Oh well – it might just be different after spending six months living and serving in the D.R., then crossing the border to the other side of the island for a few days.  My roommate Katie and I spent time in prayer, lifting the trip up to the Lord.

my travel companions

We set off, all eight of us missionaries, on our venture to another country. I don’t think any of us first-timers expected it to be another world. It was very black and white  - the bus was. Besides eight Americans, every single passenger was very dark, crossing over from the Dominican to their homeland Haiti, for one reason or another. Spanish was no longer filling my ears. I was hearing something totally different. As we crossed over the border, only a few hours from where we started, light-brown skin, Spanish, the colorful island feel, and everything familiar slowly began to disappear. I didn’t find it again until I crossed back a few days later.

Our surroundings were lost in the pitch black night when we drove onto the Kids Alive school grounds, where we were staying in a large house that stood at the back of the property.  I couldn’t see much of Haiti at that point, but I knew I did not even see the lit up “colmados” (small stores) that line the streets of Jarabacoa, where I had come from earlier that day. I felt like I couldn’t see anything out of the school bus windows. Only trees, the outline of a mountain range, and the dirt road that lay ahead of us.

flag raising ceremony

When we woke up the next day, we could finally see the Kids Alive school and the breathtaking view that wrapped around the campus. I was walking through the large front door to walk the 100 yards to the school, when I heard an incredibly sweet sound. It was 8:00 and about 50 very dark-skinned, uniformed children came running and screaming joyfully through the gates. Their joy came from the fact that another school day was about to start. After everyone arrived, they lined up next to the school in from of their Haitian flag. There was prayer and singing time, followed by a short introduction of us visitors. The experience of comparing and contrasting Kids Alive here in the D.R. and there was already  interesting, and it was neat to be on the team that was visiting – to remember what it feels like to be very out of your element, and not able to understand anything that anyone is saying.

our Kids Alive school in Haiti

In my mind, the comparisons between ANIJA and the Haiti school began. ANIJA is bigger, painted in bright white and blue and made of cement block. The Haiti school is brown and much poorer looking, made of plywood and looking partly like a barn, and sort of like a tint at the same time. There is canvas hanging off of the tin roof, flapping in the wind.  Coming from the States, ANIJA always seemed really different and “poorer” than the schools that I had grown up in. After going to Haiti, my view of it has totally changed. Watching the children made my view of a school structure change too. The school was totally different, a bit shocking to me, but not sad. The children seemed to be well-behaved, attentive, and there were touches of arts and crafts hanging around the rooms. The building may have been different from what I’m used to, but inside the wooden and canvas walls was the love of Jesus, being poured into the children every day, and it didn’t seem to matter what the exterior held.

My first interaction with some of the community kids, outside of the school walls, was at our residential home site that is currently under construction. The visit was interesting – allowing us to once again compare our ARK in Jarabacoa to the children’s home that is being built there. The more interesting part was the two little boys, partly clothed and painted with dust and dirt, who came running our way when we arrived. Our team leader Brian said, “Oh, our friends are here. They like to hang out around the site.” My thoughts were, ‘Why are these kids not in school?’ and ‘When is the last time he has eaten?’ as I looked into the extremely thin face and of a boney 6 year old child. He may have looked sickly, but his spirit, along with his companion’s, was very much alive and full of energy. They followed us around for the remainder of the time, constantly wanting to play “slaps” and hide and seek within the unfinished walls of the Kids Alive children’s home that they may not ever live in. I thought many times, and finally said out loud, “Why can’t we just bring them into the program?” I knew the answer. Every child can’t be rescued – and that is a difficult reality to swallow.

The next day was Saturday, and the few hours in the afternoon made up my favorite part of the trip- our community visit. During this time we walked around the community that surrounds the school and future residential home site, playing with and loving on children just like the two who hang around the construction site every day. We actually visited one of their homes, which is a small, dark room with one bed where the six of them sleep. They of course grabbed hold of us and didn’t let go for the next several hours as we experienced the rest of their community. As we walked, we were surrounded by the beauty of trees and mountains. No paved roads, no stores or businesses, just small concrete or mud houses, and the people who inhabit them.  The people are very kind, but need initiation of a smile or “bonjour ” to actually respond to you. They mostly stared at us as we walked by, which I’m getting used to in the D.R., but there was something more reserved and quiet about these people that I noticed immediately, and appreciated. I again felt worlds away from where I started in the D.R. I thought I lived in a natural place in Jarabacoa. Where I currently was felt even more rural and in the backwoods, hidden by vegetation and away from everything that seemed the slightest bit civilized. It was sad seeing these destitute homes and the very needy people who lived in them. At the same time, these children were so full of life and love, that I never felt overwhelming sadness. I was just surprised that none of the homes that I visit on a weekly basis, that are poorer than anything I’ve ever seen before, quite compared with the dark, wet house that I walked into, finding nothing.  Just the people. Where was their bed? Kitchen? Do they own a picture to hang on the wall? It occurred to me then that it was more of a shelter than a home, or what I consider to be a home. We snapped photos and they smiled, either oblivious to their lacking, or content with the fact that this was their life. And everyone is lacking – theirs is just more obvious, more physical. Who’s to say that internal lacking is not worse?

a Haitian woman and her child showing me their bedroom

We arrived back at the school grounds, and were chatting with some of the missionaries about what we had just experienced. All of the sudden, I heard the enchanting sound of a choir. My first thought – that is such a beautiful sound. My second – this is one of my favorite praise songs. Third – I miss my church choir and praise team so very much. Something that has been lacking for me down here is making music with my church family. I immediately followed the music all the way to one of the school rooms where I saw my friend and fellow missionary, Kristen, directing a choir of about 50 of the children that are in Kids Alive’s care there. They were singing “My Heart’s Desire” in Creole and English. That song quickly became one of my favorites to sing with the praise team at my church back home. It was an incredible blessing. The melody brought chills to my bones and happy tears to my eyes.

Director of Kids Alive Haiti, Robinson, directing the choir

The last couple of days in Haiti ended up not being as eventful as I had anticipated. I was supposed to join my friends for an excursion to an island off of Haiti, but instead found myself sick in bed. The blessing of the day was that I was able to reflect, journal, and read all day, once I felt up for it. A huge blessing of the weekend was that I did not get sick until Saturday night, allowing me to experience what I just described. God is good. Perhaps I’ll make it back to Haiti at some point during my life here in the D.R. I would certainly be open if God is willing. I saw such a different culture, such a different and gross level of poverty. We arrived back in Jarabacoa to discover that we were had no electricity or water, and we remained such as for the next several days. For me, it didn’t seem as frustrating as it may have been the week before. Before I experienced Haiti, and was able to reflect on all I’ve been given and the luxuries that I enjoy every day here in the D.R., and that I certainly experience in the States. May I carry this feeling with me forever.

1 Samuel 2:8

⁸ He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
he seats them with princes
and has them inherit a throne of honor.

For the foundations of the earth are the LORD’s;
on them he has set the world.