Where does our confidence lie?

Recently, I believe God has been allowing certain circumstances, thoughts, feelings and other people to bring to my heart a theme of confidence and sufficiency, or rather insufficiency. As humans living in this broken world, how easy and tempting it is to feel unconfident or insufficient. A man is praised when he does something "good", when he is "good at something", or when he performs in a way that people want him to. As a result of this, it's not surprising that people often feel that they will not live up to other's standards, and that they are not sufficient enough to receive praise. As humans, we are often scared of failing, and when an opportunity arises and there is chance of that, our insecurities surface quickly. If we find our identity and self-worth in lack of failure, or in how good we are in the world's eyes, how sad and empty will we be when there are failures or letdowns; and these are inevitable because of our broken condition.

Yes, our condition is broken, but the God who created the heavens and the earth is not. He is also the God who created man and woman, which He made in his own image (Genesis 1:27). He was not the one who intended for them to feel insecure. After Adam and Eve were created, Genesis 2:25 says that, "The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame." The first time that they felt shame and were scared can be found in Genesis 3:10 after they have been deceived by the serpent, when God asks Adam and Eve where they are. Adam responds, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." God did not intend for us to feel scared, ashamed, unconfident, or insufficient; that happened after our fall.

But why should we feel confident and sufficient enough? Well, Genesis tells us that God created us, and David writes in Psalm 139:13-14, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." If we agree with David, if we think that God is perfect and that His works are good, why then do we not think that we are good enough if we are one of His works? Sure, we make mistakes and have weaknesses and are unholy, but God never makes mistakes, and He is holy. And as stated previously, we are made in His image. The point is that we can think of ourselves as good enough because of Him, because He is good enough. God's purposes are perfect, and He has purpose in every single one of our lives. We can rest in Him and have assurance of who we are in Him. 1 John 3:19-20 says, "This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything."

So, the next time we are lied to by the enemy or by other's, feeling as though we are insufficient and undeserving, let us stand firm in His word and in the truth that we were created by a perfect God who never makes mistakes, who gave us specific gifts, talent and beauty to be used for His glory! How special is that compared to using these gifts to get ahead in the world and to be sufficient enough, when God already believes that we are and He just wants us to believe it too. And anytime you feel unloved or unworthy, remember this proof that you are not:  For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).

I am thankful to the LORD for what He has revealed to me. My prayer is that I will be able to live as one who finds her identity and self-worth in the Lord, in who she is in Him and that she was made by His perfect hands. And as I reflect upon all of this, I think of the beautiful Dominican children that I serve. They need to know how beautiful they are and how special God made them to be. They need to find their self-worth in Him and in the truth that He is for them and with them always. Please help me pray that I will be able to teach and demonstrate this love to them! May God bless you richly, just because you are His.

Blessings through obedience

The longer I live as a believer of the Lord Jesus Christ, the more I believe in God’s blessings, and that the all-powerful, all-knowing God, without Whom nothing would exist, wants us to be blessed, to be full, to be healthy, to be whole. We are His, and as He explains through Luke in His scriptures, “If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” I believe that God is explaining to His children, and even more specifically to parents, that if you long to give good things to your children and comply with what they ask if it’s in their best interest, why would the Father, being holy and perfect, not do the same, or a million times more than that.

Ever since I accepted God’s gift of salvation through His Son Jesus Christ and received the Holy Spirit, I have been able to understand God’s way and His word in a way that I was not able to before. This is not surprising as it’s written in 2 Corinthians 3:16 that “whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.” Ever since this remarkable, life-changing instance, I believe that I have more understanding of God’s law—it’s purpose and importance. As the Lord spoke to me this morning, mainly through Psalm 119, I felt that I gained even more understanding about the blessings that come through obedience to His way and His law.

When it comes to blessings through obedience, we must remember that God’s ways and His thoughts are much higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). They are perfect. This means that a blessing through obedience could look very different than receiving some desired material item because you follow God’s laws, or things going exactly the way that you want. I do not believe that being a child of God means that our entire lives will run smoothly and be trouble-free. That is not what the Word teaches us, and thankfully we do not have to win our salvation or His blessings through our actions or performance.  However, I do believe that one great function of God’s laws is to protect us and to prosper us, that He wants us to keep His precepts because it is the best for us and because it brings glory to the King of Glory.

I remember shortly after becoming a Christian, about four years ago, the Holy Spirit began revealing all of this to me. He said, “Mallory, I want you to stop doing this thing because it’s hurting you and I don’t want that. I love you.” (Whenever I feel that I’m hearing God’s voice, it’s all about His love for me- Glory be to His great name.) As we begin eliminating certain sins from our lives, we begin to receive God’s blessings. I do not believe that God is watching down on us from heaven and when we start living life according to His laws, He gives us something we want as a pat on the back. Or that He punishes us if we start veering from His path as a spanking on the butt. However, it is quite logical that the “rules and regulations” that the perfect Lord God Almighty gave to us when we became imperfect are perfect in themselves. So, if we follow them and are obedient to them and to His voice in our lives, we will receive that blessing that is ours to keep in Christ Jesus.

As a quick example, recently I have wanted to wake up earlier to spend more time with God, praying, reading His word and meditating. I know this is something God wants for me as He speaks countless times in His word about making Him first in our lives. When I am tired and want to spend a few more minutes in bed, or when I’d rather use that time exercising and do not take the time to be with Him, my day goes differently. My heart and spirit are not as joyful, peaceful, or calm. When I do take that time in the morning, I am blessed. I do not receive anything material and my day is not mess free, but it does go differently because of my attitude and reaction to everything. This is 100% from the Lord-- the benefit of focusing on Him before I engage in anything, and just one example of the blessings that come from seeking Him and following His word. Whenever I feel that the Lord is leading me away from something or toward something, if I am obedient to that, the blessing is just there: HIS blessing.

Yes, God brought me back to this theme in the morning through Psalm 119, and what a beautiful prayer it is for His children.

I am laid low in the dust,

Preserve my life according to your word.

I recounted my ways and you answered me;

Teach me your decrees.

Let me understand the teaching of your precepts;

Then I will meditate on your wonders.

My soul is weary with sorrow;

Strengthen me according to your word.

Keep me from deceitful ways;

Be gracious to me through your law.

I have chosen the way of truth;

I have set my heart on your laws.

I hold fast to your statues, O Lord;

Do not let me be put to shame.

I run in the path of your commands,

For you have set my heart free.

 

Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees;

Then I will keep them to the end.

Give me understanding, and I will keep your law

And obey it with all my heart.

Direct me in the path of your commands,

For there I find delight.

Turn my heart toward your statues

And not toward selfish gain.

Turn my eyes away from worthless things,

Preserve my life according to your word.

Psalm 119:25-37 NIV

God bless you and keep you.

Peak into summertime...

Hi beloved friend. Hope you're having a nice end of the summer transition into fall. This summer was especially busy for me here in Jarabacoa, filled with new challenges, new people, and fun to be had! I am always thankful for your prayers that maintain and sustain me in the Lord Jesus.

As you may remember reading in my last update, I served as director of the older kid’s program in ANIJA this summer. This was one of my greatest challenges since being here in the D.R. I have never served in a leadership role like that and it ended up being one of those things that’s just harder and more work than you expected it to be.  Never being the leader of a program, one thinks (hopefully it’s not just me) that besides making sure everything runs smoothly, which it probably will, and distributing the funds and doing a bit of planning, there really won’t be that much to do or that much that can go wrong. It’s a program that’s run every summer; so, I’ll just fill this need, doing what I’ve seen others do in the past, and all will be peachy. Then, reality happens.

People are needy and you’re the one who’s supposed to meet those needs. Things aren’t planned and you’re the one who’s supposed to plan them. There is no way you can please everyone, but you try to with the decision that is always yours to make. And with not anticipating these things that go along with being a leader, you can drive yourself crazy going into it. And this is where I found myself at the beginning of this summer, trying to "fill a need" with a naïve attitude and mindset, and not being as prepared as I could have been.

However, the Lord is always faithful and after all was said and done, this was another one of His glorifying seasons in my life here. He taught me life-altering, invaluable lessons about humility, grace, and my own self-worth and sufficiency in Him. I've spent my whole life caring a lot about other's opinions of me, too much at times, putting a lot of my self-worth in what they think of me and my performance. This summer, I lied awake at night stressed out because of people's opinions of how I was running the summer program (most imagined I'm sure) and how much had gone wrong that day in my mind. This is the point where God really began to speak to me about who it was I was trying to please and whose opinion really mattered. As I’ve served on the field here for almost two years now, and have found myself in positions I never dreamed I’d be in, positions I wasn’t "prepared for”, I have seen my weaknesses and shortcomings more magnified than ever. That’s also where I’ve seen God’s grace and power magnified and where I’ve been humbled beyond belief, and I'm so thankful that He keeps bringing me to those points. My father is amazing in His goodness, and I'm grateful for all the personal challenges that this summer brought.

 

2013 Summer Highlights

·         One of the biggest highlights was that a service team from my home church, Holy Trinity, came down! It was incredibly encouraging to me, and watching God move throughout that week was awesome. Also, my brother Jason was on the team! :)

 

 

·         Leading 6^th, 7^th and 8^th grade in the ANIJA summer program each afternoon; we went to the pool, rode horses, baked, painted nails, biked, and took a trip to the movie theatre!

 

·         I did my first Bible study in Spanish on the book of Nehemias. It was a great experience and exciting when I could tell that the kids understood me, and even more when they understood what God was telling them through me! I love watching the Holy Spirit conquer language barriers.

·         In the mornings I spent my time at ANIJA as well. I worked with the younger children on the sponsorship project that we’re currently doing. Since summer program ended, I have been going around to the children’s homes to work on the projects there as well. I always enjoy being with them in their homes!

·         I was also more involved with service teams than ever before because of the volume of sponsors who came down. One of my duties as sponsorship site coordinator is to connect sponsors with their sponsor child when they are in town. I had the privilege on going on visits with the sponsors to their child's home almost weekly. Below is a picture of a child meeting her sponsors for the first time.

 

·         There were a group of ten interns living and working in Jarabacoa all summer. Although I didn’t get to know all of them well, it was an encouragement to be around them and to feel their excitement to serve God. I mentored one of the girls and that was a huge blessing.

 

What’s coming up

·         I just moved into a new house, which I really like, so my new roommate and I are still getting acclimated and setting everything up.

·         This semester, I’ll be working in the library again, training an assistant, and working with sponsorship. I’ll also be involved with the University program, mainly building relationships with the ladies. I’m very excited about this.

·         I have a trip home planned from Aug. 31^st – Sept. 9^th for a friend’s wedding. It will be a short trip, but I’m hoping to many of you while there!

Please continue to lift me up in your prayers. I am approaching this third year in a new, more organized way. Please pray I would maintain this new organization in my life here, would take time to rest, and would continue to carry out the work that God has put before me, and to know and remember what that is on a daily basis. Pray for opportunities to build deep, lasting relationships with the university girls and for the Bible study that we'll be doing in the fall. Also for continued involvement in my church here, that God would continue to use and grow me there as well.

I am beyond grateful for your on-going support toward God’s mission here in the D.R. May the children know His light and salvation!

Jesus said, " Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me and the 8th graders

As the librarian at ANIJA, I'm in a unique position because I have contact with almost every child in the school. Each class, first grade and up, have their weekly time with me; it's very interesting because I get to know the dynamic of each class and really what children are like at their various ages. To keep things honest, there are classes that I look forward to leading, and there are classes that keep me apprehensive and bring me to intimate prayer time with my God so that I remain obedient to His Holy Spirit, and basically remain loving in front of these children as opposed to screaming and trying to keep them "under control".

With that being said, 8th grade has turned out to fit more into the second category of classes than the first this year. Our time together is set for middle of the afternoon on Tuesday, right after gym class, and my wish to have them all come in, sit quietly, listen to my instructions, and enjoy a tranquil time in the library is lost within the first minute of entering the room. How do I get their attention without yelling? Will they respect me if I do not come down hard on them? Should I be stricter with my punishments? Why do I, after prayer and submission, find myself in tears some days when I feel so disrespected as adult and leader of the class? Am I a weak person?

God has given me much insight into the answers to these questions, though I will not share them now. My Tuesday afternoons with 8th grade have been some of the most challenging hours I've experienced here, and above you see some of the thoughts that race through my mind as I have endured them mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Last weekend, I had a lot of fun with 8th grade. Yes, the same group of 14 year olds that have flipped my world upside down on more than one occasion did the same last weekend. It was in a totally different way this time. I had the privilege of being a leader on their 8th grade retreat. A weekend they spent together at a place here in Jarabacoa where there were competitions, games, talks, food, swimming, and late night coloring on the poor faces of those who had gone to sleep too early. I so appreciated this time of not having to think of how strict I needed to be or how I should respond to their rowdiness; I was able just to join in!

After almost two school years of working in ANIJA, I have realized the importance of the kid's last year there. Many of them started attending ANIJA at four or five years of age. After many years of pouring into them, leading them and sharing the good news with them, many begin to make a turn in this last year. Several of the 8th grade kids accepted Christ as their Savior and made a decision for Him within the past couple of months during their mission trip or the retreat. These are really special opportunities where the kids are evangelized to by people other than the adults they see every day. A great Christ-follower, the same one who spoke at the retreat last year, spoke this year. He has an amazing gift of speaking to this age group; you can tell he has been given wisdom of how to relate to and approach them. Besides speaking about Christ as God and Savior, something that they have all heard many times, the guest speaker spoke about really important issues as well: how to choose your friends, sex, and dating, to name a few. We were constantly in the Word as he led talks about these topics; everything he said had scripture to back it up. Praise be to God for the opportunity for these very young souls to hear such truth.

My most encouraging moment of the weekend had to be on the last day. The talk that day was about sex and dating. Here in the Dominican, sexual promiscuity is not uncommon in the least, and young girls of 12 or 13 years old find themselves pregnant in a poor neighborhood where there is little hope because that is what they have grown up to know. That stops with Jesus. If only those girls could know how much He loves them, and how damaging and hurtful what they are doing is; how putting their trust in Him and following His ways will lead to life and hope.

That is what was shared with our young people that day, along with what the purpose of dating is, what the purpose of marriage is, why we do it, what God wants it to look like, and how to fight the temptation of making serious decisions prematurely. Afterward in small groups divided between the girls and boys, we were talking about all that had been said and the girls made such encouraging comments. One of them, who has practically yelled in my face and walked out of the library furious on different occasions, said something like this, 'I have over 10 siblings, from many different fathers; I have a sister who is pregnant at 13 and a cousin who is married (probably not legally) at 15, and the list goes on. But that is not what I want to be like, and I know that I can be the difference and be an example'. I was so proud, I could have cried. I have no idea what this young girl's life is like at home, though I do know she has been abandoned in some form and is living with family friends. God has her in ANIJA to open her to knowledge of who He is and what His truth means. She has obviously embraced that and I could not be happier. I have forgiven her of all the times she has offended me, not just because it's right to do, but because God has given her an immense amount of grace; who am I to try and give less. It's times like that, which I believe God is working within me as well, to encourage me in my existence here and to help me to be more merciful toward these children who come from really difficult, heart-breaking backgrounds.

I look forward to the next couple of months with the 8th graders, before they set out on their next journey of high school, outside of the ANIJA walls. I have a hunch that my once a week time with them will be different now. God bless them, God bless ANIJA, and may He continue to work mightily in their lives in these final weeks of school!