Wake up... and Pray.

I've been thinking about the Church, and prayer in particular, and I want to pose a question: why do so many Christians pray as a last resort in the midst of chaos? Our country and world is in turmoil and when an issue arises the first thing we do is go post about it on Facebook, talk to our friends, and rant and rave about the "doom" that's upon us.

If we are Christians, we are victorious. Victorious people do not react in fear or hate. Victorious people do not behave and talk as if they don't know their ultimate destiny or don't worship a God who holds the whole world in His hands. We need a wake up call - quickly.

Christians need to stop being reactive. God is not reactive. He is proactive and His Spirit lives inside of us. Instead of being reactive to all of the bad things going on and not doing much to change them, we should be proactive. The best way to do this is to pray. It is what Jesus did when he faced hardship. It's actually what He did on a normal basis. He spent time with His father. He is (should be) our model and great example - not the world and it's ongoing shenanigans of destruction. Here is some scripture verses to think about as we think through the topic of prayer. Remember that this is the bread of LIFE.

-Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and should never give up. Luke 18:1

-Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

-Devote yourselves to prayer, be watchful and thankful. Colossians 4:2

-Therefore I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing. 1 Timothy 2:8

-I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 1 Timothy 2:1-2

I think it's safe to say that prayer is pretty serious to God. But why? Well, since He is love, all that He does and thinks comes out of a place of love. I think He wants us to pray not only to be in constant communication with His children, but He wants us to change lives through prayer. He knows exactly what power He's placed in us - for it is His power. If we only realized what that truly meant and what our prayers really can do, we might be more inclined to pray on a regular basis. 

Church, I am beautifully imperfect. I have my own conviction about how little I pray and how much I do other things that are ineffective in the Kingdom and for the world. But I do have concern that in the midst of political chaos, social injustice, and moral corruption, we are not acting as God calls us to. The problem with that is that we are not being part of a proactive solution, and God our Father is all about proactive solutions. Just look at Jesus and His life.

Let's not go forward full of worry, confusion, and anger, talking to anyone who will hear us, trying desperately to make our point and prove others wrong. Let's not go forward acting like we don't know what in the world to do. We have God's Spirit and His Holy Word. We have the best to offer. Let's start acting like it. And let's start with prayer.

A moment from church...

I sat behind a beautiful family at church this morning - a mother, father and three blonde-haired triplet boys. They were small, maybe 5 or 6 years old. I'm an observer so there I sat floating my attention between the sermon and the family in front of me. 

What struck me most from watching the family was the affection one of the boys had for his dad. The parents had strategically placed the boys on either side of them. The "middle" boy, who appeared to be the more rambunctious of the three sat on the father's left and the older boy sat on his right. I watched as the father would scold the one on the left for being restless and talking too much during the time of prayer, and the child on his right sat totally at peace nestled up against his chest. I caught moments where the affectionate boy would stare up at his dad and smile, and when the father knelt down to pray, he would follow. There was a clear infatuation there. The boy wanted to be just like his father and do just what he did. Though I am confident that the love the father had for the two boys was the exact same, there was a clear deep bonding between the father and the son who held him in such high regard. 

As I watched this scene play out in front of me, I started thinking about my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I firmly believe that no matter what I do and no matter what I say, his love for me is unchanging. However, I wonder if I'm sometimes more like the restless child who keeps talking when I shouldn't, endures discipline, and disregards the loving father looking down at me. I so want to be the other child. I want to look up proudly at my Father and desire to be exactly like Him. I want to do what He does and I want to lay my head on His chest. I want people around me to see and notice the love I have for my Father, and be impacted by it. 

I was deeply encouraged today. I not only saw the love the child had for his father, but the pleasure the child's love brought to him. God will never force us to love him or spend time with him or even know Him. It's simply not in His perfect nature to do so. But I believe he finds great pleasure when we do choose to love Him, and to listen, and to lay our heads on His chest. And how much greater is He than an earthly father whose love is not perfect and who will inevitably make mistakes in their relationships with us. In my relationship with God, I'm going to keep desiring to be like that little boy - loving, caring, affectionate - the daughter He looks on with a smile. 

Freedom in Choices

Decisions are so hard. Can I get an 'amen'? Well, decisions are incredibly hard for me at least. I noticed this about myself at a young age - an inability to make a quick decision because I would think so much about all of the different options, their possible outcomes, and would ultimately be scared to commit to one in particular. I hated making decisions because it eliminates the possibility of the other option. It also means that I'm making a definite choice; and what if that choice is wrong and the other one could have been better? This is usually what is swirling in my mind in the midst of decisions, especially big ones.

The biggest and hardest decision I have ever made was leaving the Dominican Republic, a place where I lived and served and grew and changed over the course of three years. I loved it so much and the people there became a second family to me. When the time came for me to leave or stay, to sign another contract or go, I was perplexed. There was a deep sense within me that said, 'it's time to go', but my heart was attached and I had planted roots there and ultimately was desiring the desire to stay. After months of tormented and scared thoughts and a divided heart, I made the official decision to leave. I cried a lot and spent months in the States truly believing I had made a mistake. "I messed up - should I go back? What do I do now?"

Obviously I stayed here in the States. I did not return. The deep sense of needing to leave it behind was still present, even though I missed it and wanted to continue enjoying the selfless love of the people and speaking Spanish and going on motorcycle trips and looking at the amazing stretch of mountains into eternity. And loving the kids and people I served. It was hard, but in the end it was the right decision. I just made my first visit there after leaving a year and a half ago, and that truth was confirmed. I did feel a calling to leave and I've been blessed in so many ways by making that decision.

I share this because there was a lot of fear mixed up in my decision, and a sense of wanting it all and not wanting to lose anything. As I move on in life and realize that I will continue making decisions daily, honing my decision-making skills (that do exist by golly) will be important. I think a lot of my journey over the past few years with several large decisions has been God strengthening and teaching me. He's proved Himself faithful through them all, and He's brought me to a place that says, 'I don't want to continue analyzing and thinking about decisions until I'm blue in the face. I want to follow and trust the Morning Star deep within me who always guides me in the right way.'

The truth is, dear child (Mallory and readers), that this is a beautiful journey we're on with God. He is not the God of confusion and uncertainty - He's the God of peace, joy, love, freedom, grace, mercy, and the list of goodness goes on. God created us with the ability to analyze and make our own choices, but the analyzing should not outweigh courage and trust. Of course God wants us to make decisions with care. But when we feel lead by Him to make a certain decision (Jesus said, "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me."), we should go for it. He is constantly creating newness - new seasons, new opportunities, new growth. It is not like Him to leave things as they are (thank goodness). So, when He does call us into newness of life, He wants us to follow. He knows it's going to be hard and He's compassionate, but He also knows how awesome it's going to be and wants us to get on board! He did not make a promise that the right thing would be easy. It may not appear to be 'perfect' and make absolute since. But I really believe this: God gave us the gift of making our own decisions, He is part of those decisions if you let Him be, and we don't have to be scared because He will take our whole lives and make them into a beautiful part of our redemption story. He works good in ALL things for those who love Him.

I'm reflecting a lot about my own personal experiences and why I don't like making decisions and what God says about them. I'd encourage you to do the same. Is there something God has been laying on your heart or even telling you to do, and you just can't quite make the decision to do it? Is it fear or uncertainty that is gripping you? Well, if so, compare your answers to God's answers. He's the God of freedom. We have freedom to make our choices! And He helps us and guides us! And we don't have to be scared! Let's conclude with two specific points of action: look forward and not behind, and remember that the outcome, whether good or bad, is not bigger than God's promise to make things good no matter what. He will weave our mistakes and flaws into the beautiful tapestry of our beautiful stories. Be free - it's His gift to you.

Holding on...

I think one of the most important things we can do as God's children is to hold on to His promises. Though we spend our lifetime learning to trust Him more and growing in faith, I think it's important to take inventory and reflect on how much we are actually trusting Him in the moment we're living in. It seems to me that in times of distress, most of us will turn to that sense of trust or faith simply because we feel we have nothing left. I have learned that it's not really the best way to function as His children. It's like being that child that only calls their parent when they are in trouble or comes home when they have nowhere else to turn.

God makes a lot of promises in His word. A lot. The whole Bible is full of knowledge that leads to the Person of God - who He is, what He's like. And everything He says is true, and He can not lie. But let's not continue saying things like "God keeps His promises", "He can't lie", "Just trust God", if we do not truly mean it. They are nice Christian sayings that we've adopted if we've spent enough time in Bible studies or church. But if we do not believe them - if we don't meditate on their truth - if we do not put them into practice on a regular basis, our words are empty and don't bring the life that they should.

I love this passage from the Message:

Romans 4:13-15: That famous promise God gave Abraham - that he and his children would possess the earth - was not given because of something Abraham did or would do. It was based on God's decision to put everything together for him, which Abraham then entered when he believed. If those who get what God gives them only get it by doing everything they are told to do and filling out all the right forms properly signed, that eliminates personal trust completely and turns the promise into an ironclad contract! That's not a holy promise; that's a business deal. A contract drawn up by a hard-nosed lawyer and with plenty of fine print only makes sure that you will never be able to collect. But if there is no contract in the first place, simply a promise - and God's promise at that - you can't break it.

This is a wonderful illustration of what God's promises are like. They are firm, unshakable and not dependent on human performance. God's promises totally depend on Him - they do not depend on us at all. If we know then that what God speaks is totally true and non-dependent on us, then why do we live as if they aren't true and do depend on us? Is that the way you view God's promises?

I would challenge you, reader, (and myself) to pick some of God's promises, and believe them. Really believe them. The one I've been focusing on over the past few months is from Romans 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. This verse says to me that no matter what happens in my life, whether good or bad, whether I cause it or not, God will use it for my good. He will turn it into a positive for me. Well, if that's true, I can't lose! I may have to walk through tough times, but in the end, everything will be alright and I will be on top of my situation, because that is God's perfect will for me!

Again, let's go forward believing God. Start with a couple of His promises, and practice believing them, even on a "normal day" where you aren't normally tuned into those promises. We don't want to live our life wrapped up in a lie - we want to live it free in His truth and grace! Enjoy His promises, dear child - He's perfect and He won't let you down.

Mercy and Grace

I'm learning to love God's mercy and grace. It's strange to say that because I think I've felt deep gratitude for His mercy and grace in the past, but to delight in them and love them is a different sentiment and experience altogether.

God has continuously taught me about rest and receiving over the past year, and one of the gifts I must discipline myself to receive is His mercy and grace. And that's a pretty big deal because if I'm not receiving it - not accepting it - then I'm rejecting the greatest gift that God's ever given me.

I'm not a parent yet, but I (usually) enjoy watching other people parent. It's very interesting. They are not half aware as I am of their words and actions because they are totally caught up in the moment. The parents I most closely observe are my brother and sister. I've noticed that my sister has a hard time taking things away from her children that will disappoint them, even if they deserve it. For example, one of her sons was completely disrespectful one day and was told numerous times to change his attitude or he would miss out on going to the State Fair, an event he had been expectantly awaiting for weeks. Alas, the child did not change his attitude and lost the privilege of going to the Fair with his family, which was completely fair in itself (no pun intended). Well, my sister had an incredibly hard time leaving him behind; she just couldn't stand the thought of him at home while the rest of the family enjoyed the fried food, rides and petting zoo. She knew how much it meant to him, so she ultimately let him go. He did not deserve it - he deserved to stay at home - but he received grace and mercy from my sister that day.

What if he hadn't accepted it? What if he had denied my sister's graciousness and stayed at home alone sulking in his pity?

The truth is that God is constantly pouring out abundant, unimaginable grace and mercy upon us that we do not deserve. However, many of us do not live in the light of this truth, and our hearts reject these precious gifts. At times it looks like withholding forgiveness from ourselves or others, living in fear or shame, allowing sin patterns to dominate our lives, or trying to control everything so nothing gets out of hand. I believe that when we behave in these ways we are "saying no to the fair". And this denial of grace and mercy acceptance is not equivalent to missing out on a 3-hour long family event that cost $10.00 - it's missing out on living a full life that cost God His Only Son.

I've decided to start really accepting that God's perfect will is to lavish me in grace and mercy. And the Word says that His mercies are new every morning - they are never going to run out. I don't have to be scared to live because even if I mess up, He's already paid the perfect price to cover and redeem my mistake. And I don't have to beat up on myself or others for doing things wrong because God is in charge and He is the gracious one, and He tells me to show mercy and it's becoming easier as I fully accept His.

My boss and dear friend was recently talking about grace and how she used to not understand or accept it. She said, "Every time I did something wrong I felt like a coconut was going to fall out of the sky and pop me on the head." I laughed because that image is hilarious, but we have to be honest and admit that we all feel like that sometimes. We feel like at any moment God could be mad at us or give up on us. Well, instead of feeling that way, it's high time we self-evaluate how well we are at receiving His grace and mercy, and then meditate on the fact that these are His greatest gifts to us.

Remember, dear child, God lavishes you with grace and mercy. He delights in doing so. He gave His whole Life - mind, body, and Spirit - to you. And we are set free - no coconuts and a free trip to the fair.

Soul Seasons

Have you ever moved into a new season without realizing it? I think that's pretty normal. Or at least I hope it is because it's happened to me more than once!

It's easy to detect that new seasons are beginning when physical changes are happening. We move, we get married, we get new jobs, we have children, and each big change is a new season. This is true, but what about the intangible seasons? What about the soul seasons? Are they always in line with the physical ones?

I've gone through a lot of changes in the past five years. I've held three different jobs, lived in two foreign countries, learned a whole new language, welcomed three new nephews and a niece into my life, and made countless new friends from all over. The new places and jobs definitely feel like new seasons. It's easy to say "goodbye" to the old place or job and "hello" to the new one. It's natural to physically move on and declare you're starting anew. But what's happening in the heart and soul?  Do they naturally move on in the same way? Is it suddenly "goodbye" and "hello" where the matters of the heart are concerned?

Recently I've discerned that I need to say "goodbye" to a certain season so I can really move forward in a new one. The soul searching began when the church I've been part of for the past five years moved to a new building downtown. It has been the most joyful time I've seen the church experience, and it's a dream that many have held for a decade or longer. The first services were exciting and the freshly painted walls were filled with chatter of awe and laughter.

I'll never forget the first Sunday in the new church. I sat in a pew by myself crying the whole service. I had a similar experience on Dedication Sunday two months later, only it was even more depressing. I've never felt that alone in such a crowded place before. For everyone else it was like a long-awaited wedding, and for me it was like a funeral.

Since my reaction was so strange and unnerving, I began to ask God what was going on. I spent time praying and reflecting and talking to dear ones. It became clear that I had entered a grieving process. I didn't even know I needed to grieve, but I did. I actually had no idea that I was still trying to live in an old season that had ended.

This identified season was the time during my first few years as a Christian. Everything about the faith was exciting. I was starving to know more about the Lord, and my church felt like home, and the people felt like family. I loved Jesus with such passion and excitement, and felt a similar (but lesser) adoration of my church.

This was my state when I left to live and serve in the Dominican Republic for three years. And after years of growing and changing and loving a new church there, coming back here to the prior church was very different, even difficult. I actually didn't know how different until a year later when the move happened and my world changed. The physical newness caused my spirit to realize that the joyful time of first meeting Christ and growing so rapidly in Him and loving wholeheartedly my first church home was over. Not that my relationship or love for Him is less or could ever end, but that particular season in that particular place had ended. Now I'm in a place of grieving the loss, seeing the gain, and discerning what it means for my future.

Let's think about where we are. God knows. Do we know? Do we know where we've come from? Have we let go of and grieved certain seasons that may have seemed to be "the best" and now not having them seems like "the worst"? It's important to think about. We are complex creatures and a lot is going on inside. If we don't pay attention to it, it can become that very cluttered closet that gets lightly organized once a year, but never really cleaned out. And things are happening and changing, but the closet remains untouched and messy. Let's go into that place. Sort through some things. Look through old coats and sweaters and pictures and vases and knickknacks. See what we need to throw out, what we are holding onto that we shouldn't, and what we really need to let go of. Maybe it's something that we definitely should keep, but it probably needs dusting or a good dry cleaning before being pulled out again.

Knowing what season we're in is truly important, not just in a general sense - married with kids, single, student, etc.- but in a specific sense to who we are and what our experience has been. I think time can move on and we think we are in the same space, but we're really not and shouldn't be. Not only do places and people and jobs change, but we do as well. Our hearts do. And if we're not in tune with the soul seasons, there is no way to grieve the physical changes well. I believe that often times soul seasons are changing before a physical one ever does, but we allow the physical one to proceed it and then play catch up. I'm now praying for a heightened awareness of future soul seasons and healing from past ones. This way I can be sure to take full advantage of exactly where I am, knowing where I've come from and being excited about where I'm going.

Desires: Good, bad, ugly?

I've been thinking recently about desires. There seems to be different thoughts around this topic, especially in the Church. I've gotten the impression from many Christians and church doctrines that if something is God's will, it's going to be hard or ugly or undesirable. I don't think this is true. Can He surprise us with what He puts in our path? Sure. Can the path He calls us to be challenging to be point of suffering? Yes. But I no longer think there is a disconnect between what we want and what God wants. I think that we are created with good desires. However, how we behave in order to make those desires a reality can be ugly. How we become discontent in waiting on God to act and fulfill our desires can lead us to undesirable things. But I don't believe that God's will for us and our deepest desires and dreams are disconnected. I think He knows us better than we know ourselves, and when we follow Him, He really gives us what we want. So at times what He calls us to may not make total since at first. But I believe it is always what we want and need at our core.

I'm speaking from experience, but I think many of us think certain desires must be wrong. A few examples would be sexual desires, desires to be known, desires to be loved, desires to have abundance (of whatever), and desires to have fun. What if none of these are wrong or bad? What if these are good desires God gives us because He actually fulfills them? What if He created us this way? I think there is little wrong with wanting to be known or loved, but I think it is wrong to depend on people to fulfill that because inevitably they fail or disappoint us. However, we are known and deeply loved - so our desires are not bad, but in this "off kilter" world, they become skewed and impure.

Take a look at desires you have. Before you beat yourself up for it and try to suppress them, ask yourself why you desire that and how it's being fulfilled. Ask God to show you as well. Maybe you desire an abundance of money. Is that bad? Is God not a God of abundance, and you His child of abundance? But, why do you want an abundance of money? Where is your heart in it? And what would you do with it if you had the amount you wish for? See, it's not about the desire in and of itself, but the heart behind it. Maybe you desire abundance because you were created for it, but you were never created to be greedy, jealous, or prideful. So the problem does not lie in the original desire, but in the pursuit of the desire or meaning of it, which can be ugly at times.

I want to give you an illustration. Someone desires to kill another person. They're part of a gang that exalts killing people and treats it as something necessary for belonging to their group. This person's desire is to kill, but what was their original desire? Was it to kill someone or was it to be loved and accepted, something they probably never received as a child? Their desire to be part of something that made them feel like they belonged turned very ugly when they couldn't find it, when people around them constantly rejected them through abuse or neglect. Being part of a hateful group was probably not something they imagined for themselves as a child, but as they grew older with the desire to still feel like they belonged (which is how they're made) they turned to the only group of people who offered them "hope and a future", even if it was fake.

I think this intense illustration is important because this truth applies at all levels. And the root desire, the one God gave us, can be skewed and the enemy can put temptations in our path to deceive us and lead us down a path of destruction. The original desire was not bad, but the outcome can be when we follow anyone but God in pursuing it. Anyways, friend, don't suppress your desires or try to get rid of them. Just ask God to purify them and make them whole like they once were. Without those desires you will not be you, and you will not be able to experience God fully.