It's all about the heart

I don't know about you, but I think the most fun thing about being in a relationship with God is hearing, experiencing, and being led by Him. We hear a lot of stuff from a lot of different sources. It's overwhelming at times: the constant bombarding of various voices, opinions, teachings, and perspectives. Sometimes I hear something come out of my mouth and I'm surprised when I realize I don't even think I believe it, but have heard it so much that it's become truth to me. What I say may even be the truth, but if I haven't learned it on my own or heard it myself from God, I feel like it's something I've borrowed - that it's not really my own.

The really cool thing is when you receive revelations and truths directly from God. Then it becomes part of your testimony - your story. Well, after years of saying that God cares more about our hearts than our actions, about who we are than what we do, I can finally say that I really believe it, and that God has really told me so.

I've honestly been going through a weird time recently - it would be appropriate to call it a slight depression. I've questioned my faith, felt weak, tired, and burned out, which has caused me to want to sink back and withdraw, especially in regards to the Christian religion. I'm thankful for a gracious God who saw that, who sees me, and who has always known that this time would come. The moment I began thinking about my discontentment with life and all I was doing, God immediately confronted my heart. It was quickly brought to my attention that my heart was not in the right place. I was sick of all I was doing because my heart was sick. And what really struck me was that the Lord did not convict me for not wanting to serve in church or do certain activities I used to do - He actually told me that it was OK to stop some of it if I needed to. What he did want for me was a healed heart. He didn't care that I wasn't "performing" like I used to. And I have really begun to learn for myself that the Lord actually wants me to be healthy, and my heart in particular. He of course wants me to serve. I was made to have a servant heart. But my heart condition matters when it comes to serving and doing.  It affects my attitude and the manner in which I serve.

God is a good Father. I'm learning that. Let me use an analogy; I love analogies. So think of the most perfect dad. Then think about a child who all of the sudden becomes sad and is not acting like themselves. They might have 10 things left on their chore list and a soccer practice to go to and homework to finish. Would this perfect dad be harsh with them for not completing their tasks? Would he yell at them and tell them to get over it and keep moving? Or would he sit down beside them and rub their back and ask them why they're feeling that way? Would he care enough to get to the root of their problem, encourage them, and set them in the right direction? I personally think the latter would be true. And I also think that all of those chores and practice and homework would be important to the perfect dad. He would want his child to finish what they started, but he would first address them and their heart, dealing with the root cause of why they are feeling that way. It is far more important than certain tasks not getting done. I bring this up because if God is the Father, and He is perfect, then He is the perfect Father. This is what He must be like.

The truth I've come to know is that the condition of our heart matters. We lose sight of that a lot. We tend to try and measure how we are doing by what we are doing or how much we have (or don't have). We as Christians have a bad habit of making our own standards of "good living" and what "faithful" or "loving God" really looks like. The most dangerous part of that is that these standards are not God's; they are our own. Jesus warned against this in regards to the Pharisees and other religious leaders. Their heart conditions were very ill, but they appeared to be the most righteous people around. However, the Lord called them out continuously for not really understanding or getting it, and for actually preventing others to come to the knowledge of God.

I am realizing that God's will for our lives has less and less to do with what we're doing, but with the condition of our hearts. God's will for our lives is to know His Son and to be conformed to the likeness of His image. No matter what our titles are: a millionaire, an artist, a homeless person, a stay-at-home mom, a stay-at-home dad, unemployed, a missionary, a pastor, or a teller at the bank. That fact does not matter. It really doesn't hold a lot of weight with God. He cares about us, our well-being, our sanctification, and our hearts.

So, let's pray the prayer that David prayed- "Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way" (Psalm 139:23-24). David got it. He did a lot of "bad things" in his life. He was far from perfect, but he longed to be perfected by God. He invited Him to really search and restore him, and we should do the same. And we can be sure that since God is so concerned with the matters of the heart, this prayer will always be answered.

Rest

What would it look like if we lived lives of rest?

I've been a Christian for six years now. And only in the past couple of years have I heard about the importance of rest and what it means for us as Christians. I've now come to the belief that not only is it essential to practice rest on a regular basis, but rest itself is actually what sets us apart from others.

"Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, 'Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.'" Mark 6:31

Jesus was clearly a fan of rest. Not only did God show us the importance of rest in the first days of creation, but the theme is weaved throughout Scripture. In the Old Testament, God actually commands that His people rest - that they and their families and their servants do nothing for a whole day during the week (Exodus 20:10). So, why did God make this a standard for His people to live by and why did Jesus tell His disciples to get some rest when the world around them seemed so hectic?

I think it's because God loves us. Not even Superman could keep up with the fast-paced lives we try to lead and still come out on top. The American culture is all about being busy. Most of us seem to know very little about controlling that. Our days become full whether we have the energy for it or not. Thankfully, God knows us. He knows what's good for us, and He has commanded us to rest. Jesus was not concerned about all of the people coming and going and all of the needs that came with them. He told His disciples to follow Him to a quiet place and get some rest. Have you felt God nudge you to do that? Have you responded?

I also wanted to speak to the fact that rest differentiates us from every one else on earth who doesn't know God and has not accepted Jesus as their Savior. If you do not know Jesus, I think that working super hard to reach your goals and planning ongoing meetings and striving to meet the world's standards is probably very important. Without security of who you are, where you're headed, why you're here, and who you belong to, it would be impossible not to strive, whether it be physical, mental or emotional.

This is not who we're called to be. Jesus' finished work on the cross secured a place in His kingdom and new life for anyone who comes to believe in His name. It doesn't matter what you do, it matters whose you are. And I wonder if that Person we belong to would agree with our striving, stress and discontentment in the busy lives we've created for ourselves. It's almost as if we're saying, 'thanks for what You did, but we'll take it from here. I'm just not quite sure your crucifixion and resurrection was enough'.

The good news is that it was enough. And it allows us to be restful people. People who know that no matter what they do, they are accepted and loved by God. It also frees us to work hard at what God calls us to do and strive to know Him more. We don't have to look around at every shiny thing or run after every enticing wind, we just have to know we are His, rest in His gift of salvation, and receive the promise of new life now and always.

I'm speaking straight to myself as I write this. I have suffered far too long as a "people pleaser" and that is usually my reason for a full schedule. I have a hard time saying "no". I am thankful though that God has taught me that this is not who I am. If I was a "people pleaser", I am no longer. I was reborn when I met Christ, and am now a God pleaser. And I know that rest pleases God. Not just physical rest from hard labor, but rest in who I am and in who He is.

So, let's challenge ourselves to say "no" to a packed schedule. Let's challenge ourselves to re-prioritize our lives so we can be still and quiet. When people are coming and going and there's hardly time to eat, we should remember the words of King Jesus, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest". And when we feel enticed to say "no" to Him because we don't know where that will leave us or what people will think, we should remember the freedom we've been given - not just freedom to rest, but freedom to be a people of rest.

Perfectionism: Our Enemy

Have you ever felt pressured to be perfect, by yourself or someone else? Have you ever beaten yourself up over a mistake, big or small?

Yeah? So have I. More than I'd like to admit.

As I've been in a season of meditation on the essence of rest in a workaholic driven society and the effects of pressure of perfection on imperfect humans, I've come to some very helpful conclusions - conclusions that the Lord has helped me reach. I'm still in the process of applying these new truths to my own life, and probably will be for the rest of my life. One day, I will write about rest. It's one of my new favorite topics. However, at this moment I want to speak about one of our greatest enemies: perfectionism.

I looked up the word "perfect" in the dictionary, mainly because each person reading this will have a different view of what perfect looks like. To one person the perfect house will look completely different than to another. "Perfect" in the Merriam-Webster dictionary means "having no mistakes or flaws; completely correct or accurate; having all the qualities you want in that kind of person, situation, etc."

What I want to touch on and for us to think about is that it's possible that we have created a standard of perfect for ourselves and others. This is a problem because a perfect standard should not exist for people. People make mistakes. People have flaws. People are not always correct. And so what we do is place an unreachable standard on ourselves and others. A standard that causes stress, uptightness (I like to create words, especially that end in "ness"), and discontentment in ourselves and others.

What is the root cause of this man-made standard of perfectionism you ask? I believe strongly that it's pride. There is a strong element of pride because it says that people can and should be perfect - that you yourself and I myself are perfect, but we're just not living up to that. Also, when we place blame on people for not behaving perfectly, it's usually because their behavior or shortcomings were an inconvenience or disruption to our own effort to maintain a perfect life: pride.

The reality is that we were all born into this broken world and thus there are broken parts of us. Each person in the world has their own story, heartache, struggle, fear, and we all bring it to the table when we come together. So, why not embrace that in a sense? Why not laugh at ourselves and try better next time? Why not realize that certain standards we place on ourselves and others are just not real?

God is perfect. He is the only one. There is nothing about Him flawed and He has never made a mistake (not even when he made clumsy us!). His Son Jesus Christ died on the cross for our imperfections, for our flaws, for our shortcomings. He did it because we couldn't do it for ourselves, and He knew that even after we knew Him, we would still make mistakes and would spend the rest of our lives being healed and learning to walk upright in this new life He's called us into.

So, breathe. Relax. Trust God. You don't need to be perfect. He is. If you happen to make a mistake, the world will not end. You just might learn something in fact. I really like what one of my favorite pastors, Havilah Cunnington, said one time. She said, "Give yourself a break. This is your first rodeo." None of us have been here before. We must try our best. We must honor God. We must listen to His Spirit and make our best decisions. However. We must not be so focused on being "perfect" that we are scared, stressed, tired, and discontent. That is not God's plan for us.

As I challenge myself right now, I challenge you as well. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. Jesus already justified you. He already set things straight. He loves you that much, even if you make a mistake or have a flaw, which is guaranteed in this life. So, next time we feel enticed to beat ourselves or someone else up over something they did that just wasn't quite right, remember: perfectionism is not our friend. It is our enemy.

My First Love

I want to tell you about the first time I fell in love. I've decided to be vulnerable, especially because I know that not all readers will be able to relate to or understand this experience. 

When I met the person I love more than anything, I was totally lost. I was dead actually. I remember writing in my journal in times of desperation. I wrote often that there was something missing. I didn't know how else to describe it. And it wasn't a momentary or shallow need. It was something deep - and when I figured out what it was, I'd be complete or happy or better or something. These were relatively small expectations for what really happened when He walked into my life.

I am aware that it bothers people when I say that I fell madly in love with Jesus. I don't think it's understandable or believable or comfortable for many. But all of who I am is wrapped up in who He is. And I can't make it understandable or believable or comfortable, but I believe everybody deserves to be heard and valued and known, and without Jesus, my story is nothing, and really I'm nothing.

So. I love Jesus. I fell in love with Him. When I opened the door to Him through prayer, He stepped into my life. Where I was empty, I became full. Where I had been confused, I received peace. And where nothing made sense, then everything made sense. And I found who my heart really loved and trusted. Immediately. Words will never be able to explain the experience, or what the journey has been like these past six years with Him. He has changed me in every way. He set me on fire and now I know who I am. 

It's funny because it's not unlike other relationships in life. There is no way for it to go deeper or be sustained without work. There are moments of doubt and unbelief and sadness and confusion. Thankfully these are all on my end. One of us is perfect. He's the perfect Father. He looks at me with love all the time. He's never mad at me even if He doesn't agree with a decision or something that I do. I can not imagine not knowing the one who made me and has done everything to ensure we could be together forever. 

Sometimes I need to go back to Jesus. As my walk with Him moves on, my human flesh can feel bored and be enticed and tempted by the fast-paced glitzy life around me. And somehow I get wrapped up in thinking that I'll find my answers and full life there. But then He calls me back. I remember the one who set my soul on fire and whose pure existence is love, peace, joy, goodness, kindness, patience, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. He has the best heart and I believe it beats for me, for His children. 

I love Jesus. He is the center of my story. In Him, I have everything.

Real Growing Pains

Have you ever felt like you were literally losing your mind? Like you had lost control and were drowning in a sea of bitterness, unbelief and defeat?

Emotions are really intense, especially for those of us who feel just about everything, within themselves, others, and in the atmosphere around them. 

I got beat down this week. I didn't talk to God for days. I didn't want to. I was mad at Him and had given up on Him. 

He's my perfect Father though and I just knew that the picture of us standing there was like a small child throwing a fit while her incredibly patient father bent down and gently said, "Baby, you may not like this right now, but it's the best thing for you. I know 'cause I love you, believe in you, and want the best for you."

Looking back, those moments were sweet because they were real. I'm pretty over not being real with God in how I'm feeling or with what's going on. He's seen everything since before time. There is no hiding from Him so I may as well come out naked from behind the bushes.

God cares so much about our growth and development into the people He created us to be that He is never concerned or worried about our momentary trials. I think He cares - I think He can relate - I think He grieves with us, but I think He is so confident about the good that's going to come out of each trial and the beauty He can create out of ashes that He many times does not remove us from a situation or from this world simply because it hurts and we beg Him to. You cannot control Him, and I love that.

My Lord wants me to take hold of all the promises, gifts and life that He's given me in Jesus. He wants me to be the bold, courageous, God pleasing, truth and justice loving, merciful, wonderful child that He created me to be. Though I have received everything at once from Him, I am not yet perfect. I am still being made into the likeness of Christ and am learning to walk in the new life He's given me. As God rids me of past habits and ways of living and thinking, it is painful - so painful I often allow the trial to overtake my mind, pulling my focus off of Jesus and leaving me in a flailing state of confusion and bitterness. 

This time of testing and molding is not finished. Not even close. But I want more. That is the Holy Spirit. Without Him, I would simply desire a painless life of comfort and carelessness. I know because that's what I desired before I knew Him. Now I desire Him and to be more like Him. So, if that means more moments of telling Him that I simply cannot talk to Him and feeling like I'm walking through a desert, bring it on. 

Just promise You'll keep shining Your light to bring me back home.

Love Wins

The phrase 'love wins' is very dear to my heart. It is in fact the foundation of my beliefs and relationship with God. I have seen this phrase countless times on social media over the past day. Since I do love this phrase so much, and I believe so deeply in its truth, I thought it would be a great opportunity to share what 'love wins' really means to me, and what I believe it really means.

John 15:13 says, "There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." 

Jesus, with knowledge of the pain and suffering that He would endure, chose to be born into a broken world and die the most excruciating death imaginable because He wanted to cleanse the entire world of its sin, brokenness, and bondage to darkness.

That is truth and that is love. 

People love people. We fascinate each other, gratify each other, and fulfill each other's longings. Overall, it is not difficult to be physically and/or emotionally intimate and close with people in life because it feels good. It is interesting, because I've found through experience that when we walk in brokenness, the people we choose to be intimate with (friends, lovers, same sex, different sex) are ones who we perceive as being healers or saviors of past heartaches. Not healed, many of the choices are unhealthy and we walk in paths of destruction because in the moment it seems to be the right answer to our problems.

I bring this up because understanding the word 'love' through this framework is often harmful. Yes, I love people. I am one who tends to be easily fascinated by people and craves time with them. I thank God for this gift! I have however come to learn that a fascination or feeling of endearment toward someone cannot be compared with the real love that God has for us and expressed to us on the cross. I have met no one else who would choose to experience the ridicule, backstabbing, pain and suffering that Jesus did for me. I owe Him everything, but He does not demand anything in return.

The truth is - love already won. This is not something new. Love did not win because of a human made decision that gives new legal rights to a group of people. Love won when Jesus spilled His blood out on the cross. He did it for me, you, and every single individual who has ever lived or who will ever live. His desire is that each one of us recognizes that, accepts His unchanging love, and begins to walk with Him. Nothing can compare with being in love with the One who would do and did do everything for you. He is the answer to every question - He is real love.

#lovewins

Sacrificial Love

‘How is faith expressed through love?’ I asked myself this question as I sat at the counter with a cup of coffee and my Bible opened to Galatians in front of me. Galatians 5 was stirring deep, penetrating straight to my soul. The very first words of the chapter are, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Wow. I could have sat with that verse, repeating it in my heart for the rest of my life and would never have tired.  I kept reading and came to verse 6, one that I have read before with much joy and fondness. This time however, it caused me to think, to pull apart and dissect each of its words. For the first time, I saw the verse’s depth and meaning, not simply the melody and beauty of its language. The second half of the verse reads, “The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.” At this point, I could not move on. God has just told me the only thing that counts in life! After pulling it apart a bit and reflecting and meditating on these words, I believe this is what the verse means for us: The only thing that matters is believing and trusting in God, so that we are free to live and express a sacrificial lifestyle.

Let’s backtrack a bit and look at the context. Right before this verse, the Apostle Paul argues that the Galatian people have fallen away from grace, and that they are still trying to follow the law to be saved, especially in regards to circumcision. The first part of verse 6 says, “For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value.” He is clearly making the statement that goes against what many of their actions has been eluding to. Now here comes the clincher, the second part, “The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.” Upon reading this, my first thought was, ‘the only thing’? That seems really extreme and a bit exclusive. Now when asked what someone needs to have or do to be saved, I think most Christians would robotically respond with something like this, “Nothing, you just need to believe that Jesus died on the cross for your sins.” That might be our verbal response, but what do our actions say? Do we truly live as if the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love?

When coming upon words that we say or hear a lot like “faith” and “love”, I like to write my own definition of them, or put a different word in their place just to make sure that I grasp their meaning. So for “faith”, I replaced it with “belief” or “trust”, and for “love”, I replaced it with “sacrifice”. This is where I begin to see more of what God wanted to communicate to me in this verse. As far as our salvation and where we stand with God, the only thing we need is faith. However, He does not stop there. He goes on to say that it is faith that expresses itself through love, through sacrifice. The Bible says that “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins” (1 John 4:10). The word “sacrifice” may not be as glamorous-sounding as “love”, but they really have the same meaning when referring to God’s love and who He is. And I believe that God wants us to be full of this same type of love for others.

The amazing thing is, when we have faith, real faith in God, this type of love doesn't feel like sacrifice. We always think of a sacrifice as being something we reluctantly give up. I think when we step into the freedom that God has purchased for us and truly place all of our trust in Him, sacrificing becomes second nature and a way of life. Please don’t think of sacrifice as giving up all good things in life to just be miserable in the name of God. No, that isn't what God wants us to do at all, and I think some have heard the term “sacrifice for God” and have taken it that way. I think it’s more of an active obedience to His will, sacrificing ourselves and fleshly desires for His, so that real love can be embodied in us and toward others. Jesus said, ”No one can take my life from me. I sacrifice it voluntarily. For I have the authority to lay it down when I want to and also to take it up again. For this is what my Father has commanded" (John 10:18). Jesus is the perfect example of trusting God completely and sacrificed exactly as His Father had commanded Him, voluntarily.

What does expressing our faith sacrificially mean for us today? With family, friends, co-workers, strangers? I think the world is dying to see the kind of faith that expresses itself through love. The kind of faith that produces love that can only be sacrificial.  Let us continue to trust God completely – that way we can live in the free manner that we were meant to – in sacrificial love.