Top 5 Reasons Why Perfectionism is Bogus

One thing I've learned from this past season is that striving to be perfect and do things perfectly, also known as perfectionism, is bogus.  It comes from the belief that our value as a human being is rooted in what we do and how well we do it, which is a lie. This lie, once believed, causes stress, anxiety, cynicism, and a lack of intimacy, growth and freedom. Needless to say, perfectionism is a dangerous practice that must be destroyed at its core.

Here are five of the main reasons why perfectionism is bogus.

1. Perfectionism causes anxiety. If our whole identity is wrapped up in how well we do things and how others perceive us to be, then we will constantly be in an anxious state. Every person on the planet has a different idea and definition of perfection; in essence, if we are striving to be perfect, our performance must change depending on the person we're interacting with or the situation we're in. No one can live up to the human standard of perfection. It's made up. So, to try and live up to this unattainable, made-up ideal is incredibly frustrating and only produces stress.

2. Perfectionism kills creativity and breeds cynicism. Creativity flows best when people are free. Stressed out, anxious people are not free. I believe that the fear of not doing it well or not being enough is what keeps many from stepping into their creative destiny. Creativity was never supposed to be about perfection. It was supposed to be an expressive process in which the artist gets to release part of themselves to the world. The inside gets on the outside. But if people are scared to show their true colors (which are quite beautiful) for the fear that they won't be right or good enough, then creativity will never happen. And I believe that each one of us is creative. We were created to create, and when we don't create at a high level, we are not being true to who we are.

3. Perfectionism causes a lack of intimacy. Being intimate with someone means letting your guard down so they can see all of you - the good, the bad and the ugly :). It's possible to have a relationship without intimacy, but it will never be as fulfilling. If we live with the belief that we need to do things perfectly and have it all together to get love and acceptance, we will never let our guard down, and we will never let the other person see the real us. Sharing ourselves through intimacy only strengthens our relationships, while putting on a mask and pretending to have it all together (being "perfect") only stifles their growth.

4. Perfectionism stunts personal growth. True personal growth happens when we are honest and open about the areas of our lives that need improvement. Change and evolution can't happen to something that is hidden. If we are scared to show weakness and be less than some standard of perfection, we will never be vulnerable with ourselves and others, thus stunting growth in the areas of our lives that need it the most. There have been areas of my life in the past that I wouldn't confront, talk about, or even acknowledge out of shame, guilt and fear. When I began opening up about these things, I began to experience true transformation that I'm enjoying the fruits of even today!

5. Perfectionism binds us. Freedom is defined as "the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint." If we want to be free, we can't hold ourselves to an unreal standard of perfection. So many times we don't do, say, or believe the things we want to because we are scared of not doing it right or being enough. The truth is we were created powerful and free; it's one of the beauties of being human. Living in any way less than that means we are not being completely ourselves and living life to its full capacity!

These are just five of the many reasons why perfectionism is bogus. But don't worry! In my next blog, I will elaborate on different ways to become free of perfectionism. I'm still working on this myself and very much journeying with you. So, let's do this together! Let's be ourselves - perfect without being perfect.

Empower Yourself: You were created to be powerful

Since the beginning of time, people were created to be powerful. Sadly, especially in this day in age, the term "powerful" has taken on a negative meaning. I believe this is because many people have used their power for evil instead of good. However, power is not a bad thing. Power is a great thing, and we should all strive to be powerful people. When we're not powerful, we're not truly ourselves.

I'm currently studying at the School of Ministry at Bethel Church. There is so much freedom in this place; I don't think I've ever felt this empowered and hopeful before, and I can already tell that simply being a part of it is changing me from the inside out. I've realized that the reason people experience so much freedom and power here is because Bethel highly values free will and choice. We've had choices since the beginning, and I think if God did not want us to be powerful, He would not have given us choices or a voice in any decision - He is God after all, and could easily have made us robots that He controls and manipulates from Heaven. But true love involves choice, and God is True Love.

So what does this mean for us and why is it important? Well, first off, I think knowing we have a choice releases us from a victim mindset. It's true - most people can't do anything about the fact that they are victimized, but what they choose to do after the fact is completely up to them. I personally have spent too much time in the past wallowing over certain relationships, people, pain and hurtful situations. Because of fear and insecurity, I would choose to meditate and dwell on the situation instead of taking steps to change and grow. And no, this process is not easy. It involves forgiveness, discipline of thought life, change and surrender for starters. But realizing that you were always meant to have a voice and make a choice is incredibly liberating and necessary to our advancement and well-being as humans.

I don't know what challenges you're facing right now, but take a moment and think about your response to that situation. Are you acting as a powerful person who has a choice in the matter? I do realize there are some things that you cannot change, no matter how powerful you are. But as far as the things that are in your control, what are you doing to make changes? The quicker we realize that we have choices in a situation, and the quicker we take action (even if it's simply changing our thoughts), the quicker we will begin to move forward and grow as individuals.

Some of us are still contending with situations that happened a year ago, or even five years ago. And maybe we've been dealing with a victim mindset and not taking appropriate measures as the powerful people that we are, and that's OK. But let's make today different. Let's make powerful choices as powerful people. We have been given the incredible gift of free will and choice, and what we do with that will affect how we advance and prosper as humans! :)

A Beautiful Break-up

Have you ever been in an unhealthy romantic relationship? Wow – look at that show of hands. Looks like most of us have. I don’t know how we get in to these relationships, but I do know that it’s way easier than getting out of them. I think that in the beginning all appears to be normal. Our attraction to the person often overrides any initial doubt we may have. Then somehow, months down the road, we find ourselves in unhealthy relationships that aren’t life giving, but tend to devalue us and invite all kinds of darkness into our lives – anxiety, insecurity, and bitterness to name a few. In the midst of these storms, it’s hard to see that. It’s hard to see and believe the truth when you’re living in the dark.

I realized recently that though I’ve considered myself single for years, I’ve actually been in a serious, long-term relationship with one of the worst boyfriends this world has ever seen, and I've decided to officially break up. I met this “boyfriend” when I was young. We met about 20 years ago when I was in a really vulnerable place. Looking back, I think he saw a scared little girl and made his move. He knew that more than anything she wanted to feel in control, safe and loved. Though that is nothing he could ever provide her, he put on a mask and tricked her into thinking he could. They began to spend so much time together that at some point along the way, being with him just seemed so normal. Though she never felt safe or loved by him, he made her believe that there was no way she could ever leave their relationship – she began to feel like a prisoner. And what’s worse, when things in her life became rocky, he would make her feel even more unworthy, sad, scared, and confused.

At this point, you're probably wondering who "he" is. You’ve no doubt met him before, and many of you have been caught up in a scandalous affair with him as well – no, he has not remained faithful to me only. His name is Fear, and as mentioned before, I’ve made the decision recently to completely break up. And it’s not one of those break ups where we are going to try to remain friends and stay in contact once in a while. I know he wants that and more, but this has to be the most drastic break up I’ve ever had. I’ve deleted his phone number and removed him from all of my social media accounts. Though he tries to reach out (a lot), I make every attempt to reject him. I am believing that as time moves on, he will try less and less to engage with me and will eventually give up.

This is not a possible task on my own. You see, I’m in a new relationship with Jesus. We’ve been together for about 7 years, and though I’ve loved Him all along, it’s been hard to give myself fully to Him because of my ongoing relationship with my ex – for they are enemies in nature. Jesus is the most patient and gracious man that’s ever lived. So He’s waited on me my whole life. Even in moments and seasons where I gave in fully to Fear, He never left my side. Actually, He has drastically pursued me. He’s told me all along that our relationship is a brand new beginning - I’m new and I don’t have to give in to Fear anymore, for His perfect Love fights Fear. He’s the One who’s told me to simply stop inviting Fear in, to stop talking to him and engaging with him because I don’t have to anymore. My new relationship with Jesus is full of unconditional love, peace, acceptance, and joy. And as I give more of my time and energy to this relationship, there will not be room for the bad ones. My new “boyfriend” wants all of me – because I actually belong to Him and no one else.

This is not going to be an easy journey. I am aware that at any moment, Fear could show up at my front door and remind me of lies that I have believed for so long. But I’m making a choice. I’m choosing Jesus. I’m choosing Love. I’m choosing to believe what He tells me, which sounds really different and strange because I've spent so much of my life listening to my ex. I believed his lies and manipulations: “you’re not really loved”, “you can’t do this”, “what will they think of you?”, “you’re never going to be free of this”, “this is the way it is so get used to it”, and “you’re not good enough”. It’s sad that this went on for so long, but I’m eternally grateful that Jesus rescued me and has remained faithful to me all of these years. I can’t ever repay Him and He doesn’t ask me to. He’s Love. He just desires to love me in ways I only dreamt of and always thought were for others and not myself. I was wrong. I am worthy of His love, simply because He says so. I’m His, and I can’t wait to see our story unfold.  So, goodbye, Fear – I don’t want to hear your voice or see your face again. You look and sound completely different than Jesus, and He is the one I choose to listen to and look at for the rest of my days.

Amen.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. (1 John 4:18 NLT)

The Most Basic and Pure Kind of Love

About six weeks ago, I made a huge life change and moved to Redding, CA to attend the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. I moved here in obedience as I felt the Lord had been calling me to attend a ministry training for years. I had some expectations of what it might look like and what God might do here, but could never have imagined what God's real desire for me would be in this place.

Jesus is my first true love. He saved my life in 1,000,000 different ways, and I've never experienced such a love and passion for anyone or anything else in my life. When I met Him, I knew very little about God, the Bible, Ministry, Church or anything related to faith. But when I met Him, He changed my life completely - overnight. He crashed in and filled me with a desire for Himself that I can take little credit for. I would use the word "obsessed" to describe my passion and desire for Him in those first couple of years as a Christian. This obsession led me to become heavily involved in ministry, even moving to a different country to serve as a missionary, just so I could satisfy this desire to serve Him and know Him more. It all started with love - the most basic and pure kind of love.

To be honest, the trials and hard times I went through on the mission field were extremely difficult and discouraging. By God's grace, I count it a very sweet season, but I cannot say that I left more in love with God or more healthy as a whole than when I arrived. And even as I stepped out to continue ministering in Raleigh with the Community Hope mentoring program, I often felt like I was fighting to get back to that place of loving and obsessing over Him. The most basic and pure kind of love that I once experienced, that caused me to say "yes" to whatever He asked of me, seemed to be buried somewhere deep within. I have always loved God and have never lost my relationship or devotion to Him, but looking back, these past couple of years left me in an anxious state, rarely responding to trials in faith and just not thriving as a person. And it's my belief that God's children should be thriving above any other people group in the world. So, what went wrong?

Well, to give you a taste of the ways in which God has been encountering me here, I'll share an experience I had with Him just a few weeks ago that left me changed forever. I was doing a homework assignment and reading about the life of David in the Bible. God called David to be the greatest king the nation of Israel had ever known when David was a meek and mild shepherd. God took his "small life" and did something extravagant with it. This Scripture rocked me to the core. And God began to speak to me in such a clear way. He said, "Mallory, do you not know that I loved you first? I chose you first. You may choose me and worship me and serve me, but remember that I chose you and sang over you and died for you first." The Lord rebuked me in the most loving way. Though it changed my life completely when I received his love and grace and mercy in the beginning of our relationship, as time moved on, I began to try very hard to pour out my own love and devotion and energy to serve Him. My fire started going out because I was living out of a belief that loving Him and serving Him well had to come from me, and I forgot that He loves me more than I could ever love Him. The truth is that it all comes from Him - He pursued us first - He called us out of bondage - He gave us new names and new life - we didn't do that. And if we don't live from this truth, burn out and dryness will happen. I experienced it first-hand.

This is going to be a journey. We will never get to a place on this earth when we will fully know His love for us. But we should begin to walk in the right direction - letting Him take care of us and hold our hand and love us extravagantly. For we cannot truly know Him if we don't do so, and we cannot know who we are without first knowing who He is. I'm thankful for this new revelation, and it's just the beginning. If you don't feel like you've been actively receiving God's love for you, or if it's become difficult for you to believe that He loves you more than anything, go talk to Him. Invite Him to speak truth and life about that into your heart. It's so important for us to live as beloved children whose Father created us and chose us since the beginning of time to be extravagantly loved by Him. May we allow this Love to change us from the inside out, so that we can thrive in His Kingdom for His Glory.

Shalom!

Wake up... and Pray.

I've been thinking about the Church, and prayer in particular, and I want to pose a question: why do so many Christians pray as a last resort in the midst of chaos? Our country and world is in turmoil and when an issue arises the first thing we do is go post about it on Facebook, talk to our friends, and rant and rave about the "doom" that's upon us.

If we are Christians, we are victorious. Victorious people do not react in fear or hate. Victorious people do not behave and talk as if they don't know their ultimate destiny or don't worship a God who holds the whole world in His hands. We need a wake up call - quickly.

Christians need to stop being reactive. God is not reactive. He is proactive and His Spirit lives inside of us. Instead of being reactive to all of the bad things going on and not doing much to change them, we should be proactive. The best way to do this is to pray. It is what Jesus did when he faced hardship. It's actually what He did on a normal basis. He spent time with His father. He is (should be) our model and great example - not the world and it's ongoing shenanigans of destruction. Here is some scripture verses to think about as we think through the topic of prayer. Remember that this is the bread of LIFE.

-Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and should never give up. Luke 18:1

-Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

-Devote yourselves to prayer, be watchful and thankful. Colossians 4:2

-Therefore I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing. 1 Timothy 2:8

-I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 1 Timothy 2:1-2

I think it's safe to say that prayer is pretty serious to God. But why? Well, since He is love, all that He does and thinks comes out of a place of love. I think He wants us to pray not only to be in constant communication with His children, but He wants us to change lives through prayer. He knows exactly what power He's placed in us - for it is His power. If we only realized what that truly meant and what our prayers really can do, we might be more inclined to pray on a regular basis. 

Church, I am beautifully imperfect. I have my own conviction about how little I pray and how much I do other things that are ineffective in the Kingdom and for the world. But I do have concern that in the midst of political chaos, social injustice, and moral corruption, we are not acting as God calls us to. The problem with that is that we are not being part of a proactive solution, and God our Father is all about proactive solutions. Just look at Jesus and His life.

Let's not go forward full of worry, confusion, and anger, talking to anyone who will hear us, trying desperately to make our point and prove others wrong. Let's not go forward acting like we don't know what in the world to do. We have God's Spirit and His Holy Word. We have the best to offer. Let's start acting like it. And let's start with prayer.

A moment from church...

I sat behind a beautiful family at church this morning - a mother, father and three blonde-haired triplet boys. They were small, maybe 5 or 6 years old. I'm an observer so there I sat floating my attention between the sermon and the family in front of me. 

What struck me most from watching the family was the affection one of the boys had for his dad. The parents had strategically placed the boys on either side of them. The "middle" boy, who appeared to be the more rambunctious of the three sat on the father's left and the older boy sat on his right. I watched as the father would scold the one on the left for being restless and talking too much during the time of prayer, and the child on his right sat totally at peace nestled up against his chest. I caught moments where the affectionate boy would stare up at his dad and smile, and when the father knelt down to pray, he would follow. There was a clear infatuation there. The boy wanted to be just like his father and do just what he did. Though I am confident that the love the father had for the two boys was the exact same, there was a clear deep bonding between the father and the son who held him in such high regard. 

As I watched this scene play out in front of me, I started thinking about my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I firmly believe that no matter what I do and no matter what I say, his love for me is unchanging. However, I wonder if I'm sometimes more like the restless child who keeps talking when I shouldn't, endures discipline, and disregards the loving father looking down at me. I so want to be the other child. I want to look up proudly at my Father and desire to be exactly like Him. I want to do what He does and I want to lay my head on His chest. I want people around me to see and notice the love I have for my Father, and be impacted by it. 

I was deeply encouraged today. I not only saw the love the child had for his father, but the pleasure the child's love brought to him. God will never force us to love him or spend time with him or even know Him. It's simply not in His perfect nature to do so. But I believe he finds great pleasure when we do choose to love Him, and to listen, and to lay our heads on His chest. And how much greater is He than an earthly father whose love is not perfect and who will inevitably make mistakes in their relationships with us. In my relationship with God, I'm going to keep desiring to be like that little boy - loving, caring, affectionate - the daughter He looks on with a smile. 

Freedom in Choices

Decisions are so hard. Can I get an 'amen'? Well, decisions are incredibly hard for me at least. I noticed this about myself at a young age - an inability to make a quick decision because I would think so much about all of the different options, their possible outcomes, and would ultimately be scared to commit to one in particular. I hated making decisions because it eliminates the possibility of the other option. It also means that I'm making a definite choice; and what if that choice is wrong and the other one could have been better? This is usually what is swirling in my mind in the midst of decisions, especially big ones.

The biggest and hardest decision I have ever made was leaving the Dominican Republic, a place where I lived and served and grew and changed over the course of three years. I loved it so much and the people there became a second family to me. When the time came for me to leave or stay, to sign another contract or go, I was perplexed. There was a deep sense within me that said, 'it's time to go', but my heart was attached and I had planted roots there and ultimately was desiring the desire to stay. After months of tormented and scared thoughts and a divided heart, I made the official decision to leave. I cried a lot and spent months in the States truly believing I had made a mistake. "I messed up - should I go back? What do I do now?"

Obviously I stayed here in the States. I did not return. The deep sense of needing to leave it behind was still present, even though I missed it and wanted to continue enjoying the selfless love of the people and speaking Spanish and going on motorcycle trips and looking at the amazing stretch of mountains into eternity. And loving the kids and people I served. It was hard, but in the end it was the right decision. I just made my first visit there after leaving a year and a half ago, and that truth was confirmed. I did feel a calling to leave and I've been blessed in so many ways by making that decision.

I share this because there was a lot of fear mixed up in my decision, and a sense of wanting it all and not wanting to lose anything. As I move on in life and realize that I will continue making decisions daily, honing my decision-making skills (that do exist by golly) will be important. I think a lot of my journey over the past few years with several large decisions has been God strengthening and teaching me. He's proved Himself faithful through them all, and He's brought me to a place that says, 'I don't want to continue analyzing and thinking about decisions until I'm blue in the face. I want to follow and trust the Morning Star deep within me who always guides me in the right way.'

The truth is, dear child (Mallory and readers), that this is a beautiful journey we're on with God. He is not the God of confusion and uncertainty - He's the God of peace, joy, love, freedom, grace, mercy, and the list of goodness goes on. God created us with the ability to analyze and make our own choices, but the analyzing should not outweigh courage and trust. Of course God wants us to make decisions with care. But when we feel lead by Him to make a certain decision (Jesus said, "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me."), we should go for it. He is constantly creating newness - new seasons, new opportunities, new growth. It is not like Him to leave things as they are (thank goodness). So, when He does call us into newness of life, He wants us to follow. He knows it's going to be hard and He's compassionate, but He also knows how awesome it's going to be and wants us to get on board! He did not make a promise that the right thing would be easy. It may not appear to be 'perfect' and make absolute since. But I really believe this: God gave us the gift of making our own decisions, He is part of those decisions if you let Him be, and we don't have to be scared because He will take our whole lives and make them into a beautiful part of our redemption story. He works good in ALL things for those who love Him.

I'm reflecting a lot about my own personal experiences and why I don't like making decisions and what God says about them. I'd encourage you to do the same. Is there something God has been laying on your heart or even telling you to do, and you just can't quite make the decision to do it? Is it fear or uncertainty that is gripping you? Well, if so, compare your answers to God's answers. He's the God of freedom. We have freedom to make our choices! And He helps us and guides us! And we don't have to be scared! Let's conclude with two specific points of action: look forward and not behind, and remember that the outcome, whether good or bad, is not bigger than God's promise to make things good no matter what. He will weave our mistakes and flaws into the beautiful tapestry of our beautiful stories. Be free - it's His gift to you.

Holding on...

I think one of the most important things we can do as God's children is to hold on to His promises. Though we spend our lifetime learning to trust Him more and growing in faith, I think it's important to take inventory and reflect on how much we are actually trusting Him in the moment we're living in. It seems to me that in times of distress, most of us will turn to that sense of trust or faith simply because we feel we have nothing left. I have learned that it's not really the best way to function as His children. It's like being that child that only calls their parent when they are in trouble or comes home when they have nowhere else to turn.

God makes a lot of promises in His word. A lot. The whole Bible is full of knowledge that leads to the Person of God - who He is, what He's like. And everything He says is true, and He can not lie. But let's not continue saying things like "God keeps His promises", "He can't lie", "Just trust God", if we do not truly mean it. They are nice Christian sayings that we've adopted if we've spent enough time in Bible studies or church. But if we do not believe them - if we don't meditate on their truth - if we do not put them into practice on a regular basis, our words are empty and don't bring the life that they should.

I love this passage from the Message:

Romans 4:13-15: That famous promise God gave Abraham - that he and his children would possess the earth - was not given because of something Abraham did or would do. It was based on God's decision to put everything together for him, which Abraham then entered when he believed. If those who get what God gives them only get it by doing everything they are told to do and filling out all the right forms properly signed, that eliminates personal trust completely and turns the promise into an ironclad contract! That's not a holy promise; that's a business deal. A contract drawn up by a hard-nosed lawyer and with plenty of fine print only makes sure that you will never be able to collect. But if there is no contract in the first place, simply a promise - and God's promise at that - you can't break it.

This is a wonderful illustration of what God's promises are like. They are firm, unshakable and not dependent on human performance. God's promises totally depend on Him - they do not depend on us at all. If we know then that what God speaks is totally true and non-dependent on us, then why do we live as if they aren't true and do depend on us? Is that the way you view God's promises?

I would challenge you, reader, (and myself) to pick some of God's promises, and believe them. Really believe them. The one I've been focusing on over the past few months is from Romans 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. This verse says to me that no matter what happens in my life, whether good or bad, whether I cause it or not, God will use it for my good. He will turn it into a positive for me. Well, if that's true, I can't lose! I may have to walk through tough times, but in the end, everything will be alright and I will be on top of my situation, because that is God's perfect will for me!

Again, let's go forward believing God. Start with a couple of His promises, and practice believing them, even on a "normal day" where you aren't normally tuned into those promises. We don't want to live our life wrapped up in a lie - we want to live it free in His truth and grace! Enjoy His promises, dear child - He's perfect and He won't let you down.

Mercy and Grace

I'm learning to love God's mercy and grace. It's strange to say that because I think I've felt deep gratitude for His mercy and grace in the past, but to delight in them and love them is a different sentiment and experience altogether.

God has continuously taught me about rest and receiving over the past year, and one of the gifts I must discipline myself to receive is His mercy and grace. And that's a pretty big deal because if I'm not receiving it - not accepting it - then I'm rejecting the greatest gift that God's ever given me.

I'm not a parent yet, but I (usually) enjoy watching other people parent. It's very interesting. They are not half aware as I am of their words and actions because they are totally caught up in the moment. The parents I most closely observe are my brother and sister. I've noticed that my sister has a hard time taking things away from her children that will disappoint them, even if they deserve it. For example, one of her sons was completely disrespectful one day and was told numerous times to change his attitude or he would miss out on going to the State Fair, an event he had been expectantly awaiting for weeks. Alas, the child did not change his attitude and lost the privilege of going to the Fair with his family, which was completely fair in itself (no pun intended). Well, my sister had an incredibly hard time leaving him behind; she just couldn't stand the thought of him at home while the rest of the family enjoyed the fried food, rides and petting zoo. She knew how much it meant to him, so she ultimately let him go. He did not deserve it - he deserved to stay at home - but he received grace and mercy from my sister that day.

What if he hadn't accepted it? What if he had denied my sister's graciousness and stayed at home alone sulking in his pity?

The truth is that God is constantly pouring out abundant, unimaginable grace and mercy upon us that we do not deserve. However, many of us do not live in the light of this truth, and our hearts reject these precious gifts. At times it looks like withholding forgiveness from ourselves or others, living in fear or shame, allowing sin patterns to dominate our lives, or trying to control everything so nothing gets out of hand. I believe that when we behave in these ways we are "saying no to the fair". And this denial of grace and mercy acceptance is not equivalent to missing out on a 3-hour long family event that cost $10.00 - it's missing out on living a full life that cost God His Only Son.

I've decided to start really accepting that God's perfect will is to lavish me in grace and mercy. And the Word says that His mercies are new every morning - they are never going to run out. I don't have to be scared to live because even if I mess up, He's already paid the perfect price to cover and redeem my mistake. And I don't have to beat up on myself or others for doing things wrong because God is in charge and He is the gracious one, and He tells me to show mercy and it's becoming easier as I fully accept His.

My boss and dear friend was recently talking about grace and how she used to not understand or accept it. She said, "Every time I did something wrong I felt like a coconut was going to fall out of the sky and pop me on the head." I laughed because that image is hilarious, but we have to be honest and admit that we all feel like that sometimes. We feel like at any moment God could be mad at us or give up on us. Well, instead of feeling that way, it's high time we self-evaluate how well we are at receiving His grace and mercy, and then meditate on the fact that these are His greatest gifts to us.

Remember, dear child, God lavishes you with grace and mercy. He delights in doing so. He gave His whole Life - mind, body, and Spirit - to you. And we are set free - no coconuts and a free trip to the fair.

Soul Seasons

Have you ever moved into a new season without realizing it? I think that's pretty normal. Or at least I hope it is because it's happened to me more than once!

It's easy to detect that new seasons are beginning when physical changes are happening. We move, we get married, we get new jobs, we have children, and each big change is a new season. This is true, but what about the intangible seasons? What about the soul seasons? Are they always in line with the physical ones?

I've gone through a lot of changes in the past five years. I've held three different jobs, lived in two foreign countries, learned a whole new language, welcomed three new nephews and a niece into my life, and made countless new friends from all over. The new places and jobs definitely feel like new seasons. It's easy to say "goodbye" to the old place or job and "hello" to the new one. It's natural to physically move on and declare you're starting anew. But what's happening in the heart and soul?  Do they naturally move on in the same way? Is it suddenly "goodbye" and "hello" where the matters of the heart are concerned?

Recently I've discerned that I need to say "goodbye" to a certain season so I can really move forward in a new one. The soul searching began when the church I've been part of for the past five years moved to a new building downtown. It has been the most joyful time I've seen the church experience, and it's a dream that many have held for a decade or longer. The first services were exciting and the freshly painted walls were filled with chatter of awe and laughter.

I'll never forget the first Sunday in the new church. I sat in a pew by myself crying the whole service. I had a similar experience on Dedication Sunday two months later, only it was even more depressing. I've never felt that alone in such a crowded place before. For everyone else it was like a long-awaited wedding, and for me it was like a funeral.

Since my reaction was so strange and unnerving, I began to ask God what was going on. I spent time praying and reflecting and talking to dear ones. It became clear that I had entered a grieving process. I didn't even know I needed to grieve, but I did. I actually had no idea that I was still trying to live in an old season that had ended.

This identified season was the time during my first few years as a Christian. Everything about the faith was exciting. I was starving to know more about the Lord, and my church felt like home, and the people felt like family. I loved Jesus with such passion and excitement, and felt a similar (but lesser) adoration of my church.

This was my state when I left to live and serve in the Dominican Republic for three years. And after years of growing and changing and loving a new church there, coming back here to the prior church was very different, even difficult. I actually didn't know how different until a year later when the move happened and my world changed. The physical newness caused my spirit to realize that the joyful time of first meeting Christ and growing so rapidly in Him and loving wholeheartedly my first church home was over. Not that my relationship or love for Him is less or could ever end, but that particular season in that particular place had ended. Now I'm in a place of grieving the loss, seeing the gain, and discerning what it means for my future.

Let's think about where we are. God knows. Do we know? Do we know where we've come from? Have we let go of and grieved certain seasons that may have seemed to be "the best" and now not having them seems like "the worst"? It's important to think about. We are complex creatures and a lot is going on inside. If we don't pay attention to it, it can become that very cluttered closet that gets lightly organized once a year, but never really cleaned out. And things are happening and changing, but the closet remains untouched and messy. Let's go into that place. Sort through some things. Look through old coats and sweaters and pictures and vases and knickknacks. See what we need to throw out, what we are holding onto that we shouldn't, and what we really need to let go of. Maybe it's something that we definitely should keep, but it probably needs dusting or a good dry cleaning before being pulled out again.

Knowing what season we're in is truly important, not just in a general sense - married with kids, single, student, etc.- but in a specific sense to who we are and what our experience has been. I think time can move on and we think we are in the same space, but we're really not and shouldn't be. Not only do places and people and jobs change, but we do as well. Our hearts do. And if we're not in tune with the soul seasons, there is no way to grieve the physical changes well. I believe that often times soul seasons are changing before a physical one ever does, but we allow the physical one to proceed it and then play catch up. I'm now praying for a heightened awareness of future soul seasons and healing from past ones. This way I can be sure to take full advantage of exactly where I am, knowing where I've come from and being excited about where I'm going.

Desires: Good, bad, ugly?

I've been thinking recently about desires. There seems to be different thoughts around this topic, especially in the Church. I've gotten the impression from many Christians and church doctrines that if something is God's will, it's going to be hard or ugly or undesirable. I don't think this is true. Can He surprise us with what He puts in our path? Sure. Can the path He calls us to be challenging to be point of suffering? Yes. But I no longer think there is a disconnect between what we want and what God wants. I think that we are created with good desires. However, how we behave in order to make those desires a reality can be ugly. How we become discontent in waiting on God to act and fulfill our desires can lead us to undesirable things. But I don't believe that God's will for us and our deepest desires and dreams are disconnected. I think He knows us better than we know ourselves, and when we follow Him, He really gives us what we want. So at times what He calls us to may not make total since at first. But I believe it is always what we want and need at our core.

I'm speaking from experience, but I think many of us think certain desires must be wrong. A few examples would be sexual desires, desires to be known, desires to be loved, desires to have abundance (of whatever), and desires to have fun. What if none of these are wrong or bad? What if these are good desires God gives us because He actually fulfills them? What if He created us this way? I think there is little wrong with wanting to be known or loved, but I think it is wrong to depend on people to fulfill that because inevitably they fail or disappoint us. However, we are known and deeply loved - so our desires are not bad, but in this "off kilter" world, they become skewed and impure.

Take a look at desires you have. Before you beat yourself up for it and try to suppress them, ask yourself why you desire that and how it's being fulfilled. Ask God to show you as well. Maybe you desire an abundance of money. Is that bad? Is God not a God of abundance, and you His child of abundance? But, why do you want an abundance of money? Where is your heart in it? And what would you do with it if you had the amount you wish for? See, it's not about the desire in and of itself, but the heart behind it. Maybe you desire abundance because you were created for it, but you were never created to be greedy, jealous, or prideful. So the problem does not lie in the original desire, but in the pursuit of the desire or meaning of it, which can be ugly at times.

I want to give you an illustration. Someone desires to kill another person. They're part of a gang that exalts killing people and treats it as something necessary for belonging to their group. This person's desire is to kill, but what was their original desire? Was it to kill someone or was it to be loved and accepted, something they probably never received as a child? Their desire to be part of something that made them feel like they belonged turned very ugly when they couldn't find it, when people around them constantly rejected them through abuse or neglect. Being part of a hateful group was probably not something they imagined for themselves as a child, but as they grew older with the desire to still feel like they belonged (which is how they're made) they turned to the only group of people who offered them "hope and a future", even if it was fake.

I think this intense illustration is important because this truth applies at all levels. And the root desire, the one God gave us, can be skewed and the enemy can put temptations in our path to deceive us and lead us down a path of destruction. The original desire was not bad, but the outcome can be when we follow anyone but God in pursuing it. Anyways, friend, don't suppress your desires or try to get rid of them. Just ask God to purify them and make them whole like they once were. Without those desires you will not be you, and you will not be able to experience God fully.

More than Conquerors

I receive an email devotion from a Canadian pastor I once met. I met him in my church in Jarabacoa of all places and have been receiving his devotions ever since. They are always edifying, but one line in one of his recent emails cut straight to my core."What would you do if you knew it was impossible to fail?" I was challenged and wanted to answer it. Here are the first things I instinctively jotted down:

• I'd speak up more.
• I'd love better.
• I'd follow my heart.
• I'd take more chances.
• I'd see myself differently.
• I'd be myself.
• I'd do everything that scares me.
• I'd really be living.

I surprised myself a bit because I expected to write down some specific desires of mine that make me apprehensive because of the thought of failing. Instead it ended up being a much larger and broader list - really getting at the core of how I'd live, not what I would specifically do.

The more I think about it, the more I see the fear of failing as toxic. As we walk into our God-given destiny of becoming more like Him and of living out the calling He has on our lives (which is more about how we live than what we do), we cannot be afraid and we cannot see ourselves as failures. We are simply not. Since the Bible is clear that we are more than conquerors through Christ, it is in fact impossible for us to be failures.

So, what would it mean if we understood this truth? How would we live if we understood each opportunity, whether big or small, as just that - an opportunity for growth and learning? Not something that we have to do perfectly, or get a lot of recognition for lest we've failed. Understand me here. I'm talking about taking chances that God puts in front of us, not disobediently taking chances that are against the Word and very Spirit of God. But the Lord, our perfect Daddy, wants us to open up and live freely. He puts great things in our midst and in our paths, but I see many of us, myself included, who shy back and say, "What if it doesn't work?" "What if I don't succeed?" Well, we did succeed. The second Christ was resurrected from the grave, we won. We succeeded. 

I'm challenging us to stop thinking of ourselves as failures. Who even sets the bar for what a failure is except God Himself? Who is the Judge, and what does He say about those who've been washed in Jesus's blood? I want us to think about things we don't do or the way that we don't live because of fear of failure. And who are we afraid of failing? Is it fear we'll fail others? Is it fear we'll fail God? Is it fear we'll fail ourselves? Is it fear that our worthiness will be taken away if we don't do well enough or if things fall apart? Friends, our worthiness can't change. It's impossible. Just like it's impossible for God to change. 

So, live today as though you cannot fail. Remember, it's impossible. God is the one who decides if you are a failure - and He already said that you are more than a conqueror. 

Peace.

El poder de nuestro testimonio

Como creyentes de Cristo, como los que confían en un Dios abundantemente bueno, nuestro testimonio es increíblemente importante.

En la Biblia El Mensaje, 1 Pedro 2: 11-17 se parafrasea así:

Amigos, este mundo no es su casa, así que no hacen ustedes acogedor en el mismo. No satisfacer su ego a costa de tu alma. Vive una vida ejemplar entre los nativos para que sus acciones se refutar sus prejuicios. Entonces van a ser ganados al lado de Dios y estar allí para unirse a la celebración cuando llegue.

Hacer que el Maestro orgullosa de ti por ser buenos ciudadanos. Respetar las autoridades, cualquiera que sea su nivel; son emisarios de Dios para mantener el orden. Es la voluntad de Dios: que haciendo bien, es posible curar la ignorancia de los tontos que piensan que eres un peligro para la sociedad. Ejercite su libertad por servir a Dios, no por romper las reglas. Tratar a todos los que conoces con dignidad. Ama a tu familia espiritual. Revere Dios. Respetar el gobierno.

¿Sabemos lo importante que nuestro testimonio es? ¿Sabemos que a pesar de que todavía estamos siendo perfeccionados por Cristo y somos todavía "en construcción", estamos llamados a ser santos y justos en la tierra aquí y ahora?

Me pregunto a veces si la Iglesia es una barrera real para los hijos de Dios que vienen a Él. En realidad, yo no pregunto, lo sé. Y sí, la decisión final para una persona para seguir a Cristo es su propio, pero si la Iglesia realmente se comportó como Dios quiso, sería que su plan de redención suceder más rápida? ¿Habría menos escépticos y más creyentes?

Creo que los cristianos son vistos como hipócritas mucho porque lo son. Nosotros somos. Se llega a ser un poco complicado, porque los cristianos son personas imperfectas que viven por la fe y la gracia, y no creyentes no llegan a comprender eso en medio de sus "críticas" (por falta de una palabra más dura). Lo entiendo y estoy de acuerdo con eso. Sin embargo, les damos razones para dudar de la misma cosa que proclamamos? Decimos: "Confía en Dios, Él es bueno" y luego vivir nuestra vida de una manera totalmente incrédula. O señalamos nuestro dedo en el pecado de una persona que no conoce a Dios y dejar de recordar parte de nuestra vida que nos queda sin resolver - partes de nuestra vida que Dios quiere redimir.

Es muy lamentable cuando las personas tienen una visión distorsionada de Dios, porque las personas que dicen que lo conocen y siguen se comporta de una manera impía. Y por supuesto, siempre habrá críticas. Y el punto no es para apaciguar a los no creyentes o críticos en absoluto. El problema existe cuando proclamamos a Dios de una manera, pero actuamos como sus hijos de una manera completamente diferente. Existe cuando vivimos nuestras vidas en un frustrado, de manera egoísta, sin amor. Esto no es un retrato exacto de la hermosa Iglesia de Dios. Esto no es un retrato exacto de Su hermosa novia que Él ha hecho santo por Su preciosa sangre.

Por lo tanto, vamos a preguntarnos. ¿Qué nos ha reprendido nuestro dulce Papá ultimamente? ¿Hay partes de nuestro modo de vida que se interponen en contraste con la Palabra de Dios?

Si la hay, éstos deben ser abordados. Ellos realmente hacen. Dios quiere redimir a todo en este mundo que no es como debería ser, y que incluye "las pequeñas cosas", como la frustración, la falta de confianza, la ira injusta, la indulgencia en la comida o la bebida, las voces críticas sobre los demás (incluyendo figuras públicas), y impura relaciones con los demás. Cuando se abordan estos defectos, cuando permitimos que Dios opere en y eliminarlos y hacer nosotros todo de nuevo, vamos a dar al mundo una mejor idea de quién es Dios y que su Iglesia es. Entonces ya no seremos tropiezos u obstáculos a los que se salvan. En vez vamos a ser instrumentos eficaces y eficientes en el gran plan de redención de Dios.

Amén.

The Power of our Testimony

As believers of Christ, as those who trust in an abundantly kind God, our testimony is incredibly important.

In The Message, 1 Peter 2:11-17 is paraphrased like this:

Friends, this world is not your home, so don't make yourselves cozy in it. Don't indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. Live an exemplary life among the natives so that your actions will refute their prejudices. Then they'll be won over to God's side and be there to join in the celebration when He arrives.

Make the Master proud of you by being good citizens. Respect the authorities, whatever their level; they are God's emissaries for keeping order. It is God's will that by doing good, you might cure the ignorance of the fools who think you're a danger to society. Exercise your freedom by serving God, not by breaking the rules. Treat everyone you meet with dignity. Love your spiritual family. Revere God. Respect the government.

Do we know how important our testimony is? Do we know that though we are still being perfected by Christ and are still "under construction", we are called to be holy and righteous on earth here and now?

I wonder at times if the Church is an actual barrier to God's children coming to Him. I actually don't just wonder, I know. And yes, the ultimate decision for a person to follow Christ and be reconciled to God is their own, but if the Church really behaved like God wanted it to, would His redemption plan be speedier? Would there be less doubters and more believers?

I think Christians are seen as hypocrites a lot because they are. We are. It does become a bit complicated because Christians are imperfect people who live by faith and grace, and unbelievers don't quite grasp that in the middle of their Christian "critiques" (for lack of a harsher word). I get that and I agree with that. However, do we give them reason to doubt the very thing that we proclaim? We say, "Trust God, He's good" and then live our life in a totally unbelieving way. Or we point our finger at the sin of a person who does not know God and fail to remember part of our life that we have left unaddressed - parts of our lives that God wants to redeem and make whole.

It's very unfortunate when people have a distorted view of God because the people who say they know Him and follow Him behave in an unholy manner. And of course, there will always be criticism. And the point is not to appease the unbelievers or critics at all. The problem exists when we proclaim God one way, but act as His children in a completely different way. It exists when we live our lives in a selfish, frustrated, unloving manner. This is not an accurate portrait of God's beautiful Church. This is not an accurate portrait of His beautiful bride who He has made holy by His precious blood.

So, let's ask ourselves. What has our relentlessly kind Daddy been rebuking us about? What has Holy Spirit been nudging us about or flat out telling us to change in our lives? Are there parts of the way we live that stand in contrast to the Word of God?

If there is, these need to be addressed. They really do. God wants to redeem everything in this world that's not as it should be, and that includes "small things" like frustration, lack of trust, unrighteous anger, indulgence in food or drink, critical voices about others (including public figures), and impure relationships with others. When these defects are addressed, when we allow God to operate on and remove them and make us whole again, we'll give the world a better picture of who God is and who His Church is. Then we will no longer be stumbling blocks or barriers to those who are being saved. We will rather be effective and efficient tools in God's great redemption plan.

Amen.

It's all about the heart

I don't know about you, but I think the most fun thing about being in a relationship with God is hearing, experiencing, and being led by Him. We hear a lot of stuff from a lot of different sources. It's overwhelming at times: the constant bombarding of various voices, opinions, teachings, and perspectives. Sometimes I hear something come out of my mouth and I'm surprised when I realize I don't even think I believe it, but have heard it so much that it's become truth to me. What I say may even be the truth, but if I haven't learned it on my own or heard it myself from God, I feel like it's something I've borrowed - that it's not really my own.

The really cool thing is when you receive revelations and truths directly from God. Then it becomes part of your testimony - your story. Well, after years of saying that God cares more about our hearts than our actions, about who we are than what we do, I can finally say that I really believe it, and that God has really told me so.

I've honestly been going through a weird time recently - it would be appropriate to call it a slight depression. I've questioned my faith, felt weak, tired, and burned out, which has caused me to want to sink back and withdraw, especially in regards to the Christian religion. I'm thankful for a gracious God who saw that, who sees me, and who has always known that this time would come. The moment I began thinking about my discontentment with life and all I was doing, God immediately confronted my heart. It was quickly brought to my attention that my heart was not in the right place. I was sick of all I was doing because my heart was sick. And what really struck me was that the Lord did not convict me for not wanting to serve in church or do certain activities I used to do - He actually told me that it was OK to stop some of it if I needed to. What he did want for me was a healed heart. He didn't care that I wasn't "performing" like I used to. And I have really begun to learn for myself that the Lord actually wants me to be healthy, and my heart in particular. He of course wants me to serve. I was made to have a servant heart. But my heart condition matters when it comes to serving and doing.  It affects my attitude and the manner in which I serve.

God is a good Father. I'm learning that. Let me use an analogy; I love analogies. So think of the most perfect dad. Then think about a child who all of the sudden becomes sad and is not acting like themselves. They might have 10 things left on their chore list and a soccer practice to go to and homework to finish. Would this perfect dad be harsh with them for not completing their tasks? Would he yell at them and tell them to get over it and keep moving? Or would he sit down beside them and rub their back and ask them why they're feeling that way? Would he care enough to get to the root of their problem, encourage them, and set them in the right direction? I personally think the latter would be true. And I also think that all of those chores and practice and homework would be important to the perfect dad. He would want his child to finish what they started, but he would first address them and their heart, dealing with the root cause of why they are feeling that way. It is far more important than certain tasks not getting done. I bring this up because if God is the Father, and He is perfect, then He is the perfect Father. This is what He must be like.

The truth I've come to know is that the condition of our heart matters. We lose sight of that a lot. We tend to try and measure how we are doing by what we are doing or how much we have (or don't have). We as Christians have a bad habit of making our own standards of "good living" and what "faithful" or "loving God" really looks like. The most dangerous part of that is that these standards are not God's; they are our own. Jesus warned against this in regards to the Pharisees and other religious leaders. Their heart conditions were very ill, but they appeared to be the most righteous people around. However, the Lord called them out continuously for not really understanding or getting it, and for actually preventing others to come to the knowledge of God.

I am realizing that God's will for our lives has less and less to do with what we're doing, but with the condition of our hearts. God's will for our lives is to know His Son and to be conformed to the likeness of His image. No matter what our titles are: a millionaire, an artist, a homeless person, a stay-at-home mom, a stay-at-home dad, unemployed, a missionary, a pastor, or a teller at the bank. That fact does not matter. It really doesn't hold a lot of weight with God. He cares about us, our well-being, our sanctification, and our hearts.

So, let's pray the prayer that David prayed- "Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way" (Psalm 139:23-24). David got it. He did a lot of "bad things" in his life. He was far from perfect, but he longed to be perfected by God. He invited Him to really search and restore him, and we should do the same. And we can be sure that since God is so concerned with the matters of the heart, this prayer will always be answered.

Rest

What would it look like if we lived lives of rest?

I've been a Christian for six years now. And only in the past couple of years have I heard about the importance of rest and what it means for us as Christians. I've now come to the belief that not only is it essential to practice rest on a regular basis, but rest itself is actually what sets us apart from others.

"Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, 'Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.'" Mark 6:31

Jesus was clearly a fan of rest. Not only did God show us the importance of rest in the first days of creation, but the theme is weaved throughout Scripture. In the Old Testament, God actually commands that His people rest - that they and their families and their servants do nothing for a whole day during the week (Exodus 20:10). So, why did God make this a standard for His people to live by and why did Jesus tell His disciples to get some rest when the world around them seemed so hectic?

I think it's because God loves us. Not even Superman could keep up with the fast-paced lives we try to lead and still come out on top. The American culture is all about being busy. Most of us seem to know very little about controlling that. Our days become full whether we have the energy for it or not. Thankfully, God knows us. He knows what's good for us, and He has commanded us to rest. Jesus was not concerned about all of the people coming and going and all of the needs that came with them. He told His disciples to follow Him to a quiet place and get some rest. Have you felt God nudge you to do that? Have you responded?

I also wanted to speak to the fact that rest differentiates us from every one else on earth who doesn't know God and has not accepted Jesus as their Savior. If you do not know Jesus, I think that working super hard to reach your goals and planning ongoing meetings and striving to meet the world's standards is probably very important. Without security of who you are, where you're headed, why you're here, and who you belong to, it would be impossible not to strive, whether it be physical, mental or emotional.

This is not who we're called to be. Jesus' finished work on the cross secured a place in His kingdom and new life for anyone who comes to believe in His name. It doesn't matter what you do, it matters whose you are. And I wonder if that Person we belong to would agree with our striving, stress and discontentment in the busy lives we've created for ourselves. It's almost as if we're saying, 'thanks for what You did, but we'll take it from here. I'm just not quite sure your crucifixion and resurrection was enough'.

The good news is that it was enough. And it allows us to be restful people. People who know that no matter what they do, they are accepted and loved by God. It also frees us to work hard at what God calls us to do and strive to know Him more. We don't have to look around at every shiny thing or run after every enticing wind, we just have to know we are His, rest in His gift of salvation, and receive the promise of new life now and always.

I'm speaking straight to myself as I write this. I have suffered far too long as a "people pleaser" and that is usually my reason for a full schedule. I have a hard time saying "no". I am thankful though that God has taught me that this is not who I am. If I was a "people pleaser", I am no longer. I was reborn when I met Christ, and am now a God pleaser. And I know that rest pleases God. Not just physical rest from hard labor, but rest in who I am and in who He is.

So, let's challenge ourselves to say "no" to a packed schedule. Let's challenge ourselves to re-prioritize our lives so we can be still and quiet. When people are coming and going and there's hardly time to eat, we should remember the words of King Jesus, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest". And when we feel enticed to say "no" to Him because we don't know where that will leave us or what people will think, we should remember the freedom we've been given - not just freedom to rest, but freedom to be a people of rest.

Perfectionism: Our Enemy

Have you ever felt pressured to be perfect, by yourself or someone else? Have you ever beaten yourself up over a mistake, big or small?

Yeah? So have I. More than I'd like to admit.

As I've been in a season of meditation on the essence of rest in a workaholic driven society and the effects of pressure of perfection on imperfect humans, I've come to some very helpful conclusions - conclusions that the Lord has helped me reach. I'm still in the process of applying these new truths to my own life, and probably will be for the rest of my life. One day, I will write about rest. It's one of my new favorite topics. However, at this moment I want to speak about one of our greatest enemies: perfectionism.

I looked up the word "perfect" in the dictionary, mainly because each person reading this will have a different view of what perfect looks like. To one person the perfect house will look completely different than to another. "Perfect" in the Merriam-Webster dictionary means "having no mistakes or flaws; completely correct or accurate; having all the qualities you want in that kind of person, situation, etc."

What I want to touch on and for us to think about is that it's possible that we have created a standard of perfect for ourselves and others. This is a problem because a perfect standard should not exist for people. People make mistakes. People have flaws. People are not always correct. And so what we do is place an unreachable standard on ourselves and others. A standard that causes stress, uptightness (I like to create words, especially that end in "ness"), and discontentment in ourselves and others.

What is the root cause of this man-made standard of perfectionism you ask? I believe strongly that it's pride. There is a strong element of pride because it says that people can and should be perfect - that you yourself and I myself are perfect, but we're just not living up to that. Also, when we place blame on people for not behaving perfectly, it's usually because their behavior or shortcomings were an inconvenience or disruption to our own effort to maintain a perfect life: pride.

The reality is that we were all born into this broken world and thus there are broken parts of us. Each person in the world has their own story, heartache, struggle, fear, and we all bring it to the table when we come together. So, why not embrace that in a sense? Why not laugh at ourselves and try better next time? Why not realize that certain standards we place on ourselves and others are just not real?

God is perfect. He is the only one. There is nothing about Him flawed and He has never made a mistake (not even when he made clumsy us!). His Son Jesus Christ died on the cross for our imperfections, for our flaws, for our shortcomings. He did it because we couldn't do it for ourselves, and He knew that even after we knew Him, we would still make mistakes and would spend the rest of our lives being healed and learning to walk upright in this new life He's called us into.

So, breathe. Relax. Trust God. You don't need to be perfect. He is. If you happen to make a mistake, the world will not end. You just might learn something in fact. I really like what one of my favorite pastors, Havilah Cunnington, said one time. She said, "Give yourself a break. This is your first rodeo." None of us have been here before. We must try our best. We must honor God. We must listen to His Spirit and make our best decisions. However. We must not be so focused on being "perfect" that we are scared, stressed, tired, and discontent. That is not God's plan for us.

As I challenge myself right now, I challenge you as well. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. Jesus already justified you. He already set things straight. He loves you that much, even if you make a mistake or have a flaw, which is guaranteed in this life. So, next time we feel enticed to beat ourselves or someone else up over something they did that just wasn't quite right, remember: perfectionism is not our friend. It is our enemy.

My First Love

I want to tell you about the first time I fell in love. I've decided to be vulnerable, especially because I know that not all readers will be able to relate to or understand this experience. 

When I met the person I love more than anything, I was totally lost. I was dead actually. I remember writing in my journal in times of desperation. I wrote often that there was something missing. I didn't know how else to describe it. And it wasn't a momentary or shallow need. It was something deep - and when I figured out what it was, I'd be complete or happy or better or something. These were relatively small expectations for what really happened when He walked into my life.

I am aware that it bothers people when I say that I fell madly in love with Jesus. I don't think it's understandable or believable or comfortable for many. But all of who I am is wrapped up in who He is. And I can't make it understandable or believable or comfortable, but I believe everybody deserves to be heard and valued and known, and without Jesus, my story is nothing, and really I'm nothing.

So. I love Jesus. I fell in love with Him. When I opened the door to Him through prayer, He stepped into my life. Where I was empty, I became full. Where I had been confused, I received peace. And where nothing made sense, then everything made sense. And I found who my heart really loved and trusted. Immediately. Words will never be able to explain the experience, or what the journey has been like these past six years with Him. He has changed me in every way. He set me on fire and now I know who I am. 

It's funny because it's not unlike other relationships in life. There is no way for it to go deeper or be sustained without work. There are moments of doubt and unbelief and sadness and confusion. Thankfully these are all on my end. One of us is perfect. He's the perfect Father. He looks at me with love all the time. He's never mad at me even if He doesn't agree with a decision or something that I do. I can not imagine not knowing the one who made me and has done everything to ensure we could be together forever. 

Sometimes I need to go back to Jesus. As my walk with Him moves on, my human flesh can feel bored and be enticed and tempted by the fast-paced glitzy life around me. And somehow I get wrapped up in thinking that I'll find my answers and full life there. But then He calls me back. I remember the one who set my soul on fire and whose pure existence is love, peace, joy, goodness, kindness, patience, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. He has the best heart and I believe it beats for me, for His children. 

I love Jesus. He is the center of my story. In Him, I have everything.

Real Growing Pains

Have you ever felt like you were literally losing your mind? Like you had lost control and were drowning in a sea of bitterness, unbelief and defeat?

Emotions are really intense, especially for those of us who feel just about everything, within themselves, others, and in the atmosphere around them. 

I got beat down this week. I didn't talk to God for days. I didn't want to. I was mad at Him and had given up on Him. 

He's my perfect Father though and I just knew that the picture of us standing there was like a small child throwing a fit while her incredibly patient father bent down and gently said, "Baby, you may not like this right now, but it's the best thing for you. I know 'cause I love you, believe in you, and want the best for you."

Looking back, those moments were sweet because they were real. I'm pretty over not being real with God in how I'm feeling or with what's going on. He's seen everything since before time. There is no hiding from Him so I may as well come out naked from behind the bushes.

God cares so much about our growth and development into the people He created us to be that He is never concerned or worried about our momentary trials. I think He cares - I think He can relate - I think He grieves with us, but I think He is so confident about the good that's going to come out of each trial and the beauty He can create out of ashes that He many times does not remove us from a situation or from this world simply because it hurts and we beg Him to. You cannot control Him, and I love that.

My Lord wants me to take hold of all the promises, gifts and life that He's given me in Jesus. He wants me to be the bold, courageous, God pleasing, truth and justice loving, merciful, wonderful child that He created me to be. Though I have received everything at once from Him, I am not yet perfect. I am still being made into the likeness of Christ and am learning to walk in the new life He's given me. As God rids me of past habits and ways of living and thinking, it is painful - so painful I often allow the trial to overtake my mind, pulling my focus off of Jesus and leaving me in a flailing state of confusion and bitterness. 

This time of testing and molding is not finished. Not even close. But I want more. That is the Holy Spirit. Without Him, I would simply desire a painless life of comfort and carelessness. I know because that's what I desired before I knew Him. Now I desire Him and to be more like Him. So, if that means more moments of telling Him that I simply cannot talk to Him and feeling like I'm walking through a desert, bring it on. 

Just promise You'll keep shining Your light to bring me back home.

Love Wins

The phrase 'love wins' is very dear to my heart. It is in fact the foundation of my beliefs and relationship with God. I have seen this phrase countless times on social media over the past day. Since I do love this phrase so much, and I believe so deeply in its truth, I thought it would be a great opportunity to share what 'love wins' really means to me, and what I believe it really means.

John 15:13 says, "There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." 

Jesus, with knowledge of the pain and suffering that He would endure, chose to be born into a broken world and die the most excruciating death imaginable because He wanted to cleanse the entire world of its sin, brokenness, and bondage to darkness.

That is truth and that is love. 

People love people. We fascinate each other, gratify each other, and fulfill each other's longings. Overall, it is not difficult to be physically and/or emotionally intimate and close with people in life because it feels good. It is interesting, because I've found through experience that when we walk in brokenness, the people we choose to be intimate with (friends, lovers, same sex, different sex) are ones who we perceive as being healers or saviors of past heartaches. Not healed, many of the choices are unhealthy and we walk in paths of destruction because in the moment it seems to be the right answer to our problems.

I bring this up because understanding the word 'love' through this framework is often harmful. Yes, I love people. I am one who tends to be easily fascinated by people and craves time with them. I thank God for this gift! I have however come to learn that a fascination or feeling of endearment toward someone cannot be compared with the real love that God has for us and expressed to us on the cross. I have met no one else who would choose to experience the ridicule, backstabbing, pain and suffering that Jesus did for me. I owe Him everything, but He does not demand anything in return.

The truth is - love already won. This is not something new. Love did not win because of a human made decision that gives new legal rights to a group of people. Love won when Jesus spilled His blood out on the cross. He did it for me, you, and every single individual who has ever lived or who will ever live. His desire is that each one of us recognizes that, accepts His unchanging love, and begins to walk with Him. Nothing can compare with being in love with the One who would do and did do everything for you. He is the answer to every question - He is real love.

#lovewins