Perfectionism: Our Enemy

Have you ever felt pressured to be perfect, by yourself or someone else? Have you ever beaten yourself up over a mistake, big or small?

Yeah? So have I. More than I'd like to admit.

As I've been in a season of meditation on the essence of rest in a workaholic driven society and the effects of pressure of perfection on imperfect humans, I've come to some very helpful conclusions - conclusions that the Lord has helped me reach. I'm still in the process of applying these new truths to my own life, and probably will be for the rest of my life. One day, I will write about rest. It's one of my new favorite topics. However, at this moment I want to speak about one of our greatest enemies: perfectionism.

I looked up the word "perfect" in the dictionary, mainly because each person reading this will have a different view of what perfect looks like. To one person the perfect house will look completely different than to another. "Perfect" in the Merriam-Webster dictionary means "having no mistakes or flaws; completely correct or accurate; having all the qualities you want in that kind of person, situation, etc."

What I want to touch on and for us to think about is that it's possible that we have created a standard of perfect for ourselves and others. This is a problem because a perfect standard should not exist for people. People make mistakes. People have flaws. People are not always correct. And so what we do is place an unreachable standard on ourselves and others. A standard that causes stress, uptightness (I like to create words, especially that end in "ness"), and discontentment in ourselves and others.

What is the root cause of this man-made standard of perfectionism you ask? I believe strongly that it's pride. There is a strong element of pride because it says that people can and should be perfect - that you yourself and I myself are perfect, but we're just not living up to that. Also, when we place blame on people for not behaving perfectly, it's usually because their behavior or shortcomings were an inconvenience or disruption to our own effort to maintain a perfect life: pride.

The reality is that we were all born into this broken world and thus there are broken parts of us. Each person in the world has their own story, heartache, struggle, fear, and we all bring it to the table when we come together. So, why not embrace that in a sense? Why not laugh at ourselves and try better next time? Why not realize that certain standards we place on ourselves and others are just not real?

God is perfect. He is the only one. There is nothing about Him flawed and He has never made a mistake (not even when he made clumsy us!). His Son Jesus Christ died on the cross for our imperfections, for our flaws, for our shortcomings. He did it because we couldn't do it for ourselves, and He knew that even after we knew Him, we would still make mistakes and would spend the rest of our lives being healed and learning to walk upright in this new life He's called us into.

So, breathe. Relax. Trust God. You don't need to be perfect. He is. If you happen to make a mistake, the world will not end. You just might learn something in fact. I really like what one of my favorite pastors, Havilah Cunnington, said one time. She said, "Give yourself a break. This is your first rodeo." None of us have been here before. We must try our best. We must honor God. We must listen to His Spirit and make our best decisions. However. We must not be so focused on being "perfect" that we are scared, stressed, tired, and discontent. That is not God's plan for us.

As I challenge myself right now, I challenge you as well. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. Jesus already justified you. He already set things straight. He loves you that much, even if you make a mistake or have a flaw, which is guaranteed in this life. So, next time we feel enticed to beat ourselves or someone else up over something they did that just wasn't quite right, remember: perfectionism is not our friend. It is our enemy.

My First Love

I want to tell you about the first time I fell in love. I've decided to be vulnerable, especially because I know that not all readers will be able to relate to or understand this experience. 

When I met the person I love more than anything, I was totally lost. I was dead actually. I remember writing in my journal in times of desperation. I wrote often that there was something missing. I didn't know how else to describe it. And it wasn't a momentary or shallow need. It was something deep - and when I figured out what it was, I'd be complete or happy or better or something. These were relatively small expectations for what really happened when He walked into my life.

I am aware that it bothers people when I say that I fell madly in love with Jesus. I don't think it's understandable or believable or comfortable for many. But all of who I am is wrapped up in who He is. And I can't make it understandable or believable or comfortable, but I believe everybody deserves to be heard and valued and known, and without Jesus, my story is nothing, and really I'm nothing.

So. I love Jesus. I fell in love with Him. When I opened the door to Him through prayer, He stepped into my life. Where I was empty, I became full. Where I had been confused, I received peace. And where nothing made sense, then everything made sense. And I found who my heart really loved and trusted. Immediately. Words will never be able to explain the experience, or what the journey has been like these past six years with Him. He has changed me in every way. He set me on fire and now I know who I am. 

It's funny because it's not unlike other relationships in life. There is no way for it to go deeper or be sustained without work. There are moments of doubt and unbelief and sadness and confusion. Thankfully these are all on my end. One of us is perfect. He's the perfect Father. He looks at me with love all the time. He's never mad at me even if He doesn't agree with a decision or something that I do. I can not imagine not knowing the one who made me and has done everything to ensure we could be together forever. 

Sometimes I need to go back to Jesus. As my walk with Him moves on, my human flesh can feel bored and be enticed and tempted by the fast-paced glitzy life around me. And somehow I get wrapped up in thinking that I'll find my answers and full life there. But then He calls me back. I remember the one who set my soul on fire and whose pure existence is love, peace, joy, goodness, kindness, patience, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. He has the best heart and I believe it beats for me, for His children. 

I love Jesus. He is the center of my story. In Him, I have everything.