Disappointment

Disappointment is an ugly word - it's an ugly thing as well, and I think just about every human has experienced it. It is defined as the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations. Yeah, that's ugly.

To be honest, in the past year I have experienced such disappointment with certain things that just this morning I woke up feeling that I couldn't bare anymore. I actually recently asked God if He would completely erase the memory of a certain disappointment from my mind so I wouldn't feel any more pain from it. He didn't; and in recent days I've felt really discouraged.

I have decided it would be unwise and unnecessary to explain
publicly what exactly this disappointment is, but I do want to communicate that I have a deep desire for something that I could see and almost touch this past year. There was a time when I felt that God was actually fulfilling my heart's desire, but it turns out that it was just brushing my fingers and not something I would ever grasp in my hands. I've felt it drifting away from me for months, and I now feel I'm at a place where I must let go of it completely; and I feel disappointed. It is not my perfect situation for this moment, but I believe in a perfect God and I'm feeling His presence regarding this certain situation more than ever.

Through experiencing one of the most impactful disappointments I've had thus far in life, I've realized that this will not be the last of my disappointments. Even when I can grasp what the Lord is going to give me, I must not hold on too tight, because that too will one day disappoint. This imperfect world is disappointing when your expectations and hopes and dreams rest in its things and people and places.

So, where must I go with my disappointments, and how must I posture my heart so I do not continue in a pattern of disappointment? The truest answer I can give is Jesus. I have nothing else, and I have no other choice because there is no other real solution. In the past, I have watched Him take really broken parts of me and restore them fully; I have gone to Him with lots of burdens and come away feeling as light as a cloud. I do not think that God is going to answer my prayer and completely erase the memory of this certain disappointment, but I do believe He is going to use it to teach me to put all of my expectations and hope in Him. Every single time I come before Him, and enter into a time of prayer/hanging out with Him, I come away 100% better than I did coming in. It is an incredible alternative to sulking in what never will be or what never was.

Please join me in not letting people, places, and things disappoint you anymore. I figure if I am seeking whole-heartedly after God and am submitting myself to His will, I will not be disappointed. And if my expectations change, perhaps I will not be let down as frequently. My expectations must be more in line with what God's expectations are, what His mindset is. This is my biggest prayer right now, that my mind is more like Christ's in everything I do and in every relationship. That I not live according to Mallory and her wants or needs, but according to God and what He wants.

Let's keep being found in Christ. Let's keep allowing His presence to renew us and give us new perspectives. And let's expect from God; He has already given us all things.

Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:5