"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in the world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:16-18
Oh, how I love John. The first Bible study I ever did was of his gospel, where I officially accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. His words are so deep, just like the love he had for God. I think knowing that God really loves you is the most life-changing truth on earth. And John focuses on this love through his writing. I've read this passage time and time again, and tonight as I listened to a sermon about guilt and regret, I came back to it.
What an icky feeling. Regret. I've felt and experienced it lately after going through a difficult transition back to life in the U.S. When I was hurting and confused, I blamed myself. I blamed myself for making the decision to come back and for bringing those challenges and feelings upon myself. This isn't the first time I felt as though I had made my bed so I should lie in it. The real problem, as God showed me, was not if I had made the right decision, but how I was feeling about it.
I want to pull out verse 18 from above: "But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." To be totally honest, I never understood this really, especially the punishment part. Whenever I think about the fears I have, and how Love has driven them out or how I want Him to, I don't think about punishment. It's just not something I've ever felt scared of. I believe that Jesus paid the ultimate price for my sins so I will not be punished (Hallelujah!). So, in my case, how does fear have to do with punishment?
If I continue to live in regret and guilt, regretting decisions I've made or feeling guilty about the way I handled a situation, I am basically saying I deserve punishment. When I am regretful of something, I am believing that things are the way they are because of what I did and therefore I must suffer through it. I think God is telling me through His word that this mindset is not right and is not of Christ. Not only did He set me free from eternal damnation, but He also set me free from feelings like these.
This was a wake-up call to me tonight because I have never thought about the damage I am doing to myself. I never thought I was punishing myself, but that's exactly what I'm doing! And as God's precious daughter, I have no right to be passing judgment, especially on myself. Let me stop now and continue to move forward, trusting in God more than my own ability to make really great decisions so I'll never regret anything or feel guilty for not doing something. Let me live in the light and love of God instead of the in the regret and guilt of the evil one.
I encourage you, reader, to join me and let go of all regrets and guilt. Let them go to God because He can handle them. Then walk forward in bold confidence because when Christ died for you, He died to set you free! Totally. Completely. Forever and ever. Amen.
Friday, August 8, 2014
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Who am I and what am I doing?
The title of this blogpost poses two good and important questions - questions that I have wrestled with over the past month or so. It's interesting how that happens. I hadn't really asked myself either of those questions in years; I guess because I thought I knew. However, when you are at a place of uncertainty or lack of direction in life, you, or rather I, tend to doubt that I really do know - who am I and what am I doing?
As most of my readers know, I moved back from the Dominican Republic in June 2014 after living there for almost three years serving at-risk children in a local school. It was a big and quite bold decision to leave, and I don't think I really understood the largeness of it at the time. I came back because I truly felt led to do so. I felt that if I were to spend my life serving others and working in ministry, having some formal education and training in ministry would be helpful. Thus, I left my life there with the hope of beginning classes at a seminary this coming fall. It seemed like a wonderful plan - so wonderful that I decided to nix it all together a few weeks ago. And so, here I am, weighted with the questions, who am I and what am I doing?
To be honest, it has been a difficult few weeks. I've felt lost, confused, regretful, and sad - knowing I've chosen to leave a place I loved only to find myself confused in a place I once called home, that quite honestly feels foreign for the most part. Until the past few days, I had lost confidence entirely in my decision. There has been nothing to look forward to, no job, no school, no purpose. My insecurity has skyrocketed.
Thankfully, after much searching and distress, I've come to some life-changing realizations. First of all, it seems that I'm not the only one struggling with these questions. It seems to me that a lot of people in their 20's are searching, to know their gifts, passions, what they really like to do. It has comforted me to hear recently, "Oh yeah, I change my mind all the time about what I'm doing," and "I've had like three jobs in the past five years." I think it's a big time of self-discovery, and living in a culture that encourages that, we find ourselves switching things up quite regularly.
Besides the comfort I have gotten from others with similar feelings, I have felt the most comfort from the realization that I am God's daughter. And because I'm His daughter and He loves me, what I do has sort of been minimized. In a week I have gone from a wallowing sadness that I have no idea what I want or who I am, to hearing gentle whispers saying that I belong to Him and that's all that really matters. It's interesting that I've known this truth for about five years now, but I think I've only really grasped it for the past week. Wouldn't it be like God to use one of my weakest moments to teach one of His greatest truths?
I still stumble through telling strangers who I am and what I'm doing because I really am not sure what my next job will be or how my future will look. Then again, who does? Things are always changing and the longer I live on this earth, I'm finding fewer and fewer things to hold onto. Now, I feel like I have a truth I want to hold onto. I am a daughter of the Living God. Not even time can take that away from me. So, as I walk forward, with my head held high, I declare that I am God's daughter. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I don't care as much anymore... because I know I'm His.
And, "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters," says the Lord Almighty. (2 Corinthians 6:18)
As most of my readers know, I moved back from the Dominican Republic in June 2014 after living there for almost three years serving at-risk children in a local school. It was a big and quite bold decision to leave, and I don't think I really understood the largeness of it at the time. I came back because I truly felt led to do so. I felt that if I were to spend my life serving others and working in ministry, having some formal education and training in ministry would be helpful. Thus, I left my life there with the hope of beginning classes at a seminary this coming fall. It seemed like a wonderful plan - so wonderful that I decided to nix it all together a few weeks ago. And so, here I am, weighted with the questions, who am I and what am I doing?
To be honest, it has been a difficult few weeks. I've felt lost, confused, regretful, and sad - knowing I've chosen to leave a place I loved only to find myself confused in a place I once called home, that quite honestly feels foreign for the most part. Until the past few days, I had lost confidence entirely in my decision. There has been nothing to look forward to, no job, no school, no purpose. My insecurity has skyrocketed.
Thankfully, after much searching and distress, I've come to some life-changing realizations. First of all, it seems that I'm not the only one struggling with these questions. It seems to me that a lot of people in their 20's are searching, to know their gifts, passions, what they really like to do. It has comforted me to hear recently, "Oh yeah, I change my mind all the time about what I'm doing," and "I've had like three jobs in the past five years." I think it's a big time of self-discovery, and living in a culture that encourages that, we find ourselves switching things up quite regularly.
Besides the comfort I have gotten from others with similar feelings, I have felt the most comfort from the realization that I am God's daughter. And because I'm His daughter and He loves me, what I do has sort of been minimized. In a week I have gone from a wallowing sadness that I have no idea what I want or who I am, to hearing gentle whispers saying that I belong to Him and that's all that really matters. It's interesting that I've known this truth for about five years now, but I think I've only really grasped it for the past week. Wouldn't it be like God to use one of my weakest moments to teach one of His greatest truths?
I still stumble through telling strangers who I am and what I'm doing because I really am not sure what my next job will be or how my future will look. Then again, who does? Things are always changing and the longer I live on this earth, I'm finding fewer and fewer things to hold onto. Now, I feel like I have a truth I want to hold onto. I am a daughter of the Living God. Not even time can take that away from me. So, as I walk forward, with my head held high, I declare that I am God's daughter. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I don't care as much anymore... because I know I'm His.
And, "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters," says the Lord Almighty. (2 Corinthians 6:18)