The Most Basic and Pure Kind of Love

About six weeks ago, I made a huge life change and moved to Redding, CA to attend the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. I moved here in obedience as I felt the Lord had been calling me to attend a ministry training for years. I had some expectations of what it might look like and what God might do here, but could never have imagined what God's real desire for me would be in this place.

Jesus is my first true love. He saved my life in 1,000,000 different ways, and I've never experienced such a love and passion for anyone or anything else in my life. When I met Him, I knew very little about God, the Bible, Ministry, Church or anything related to faith. But when I met Him, He changed my life completely - overnight. He crashed in and filled me with a desire for Himself that I can take little credit for. I would use the word "obsessed" to describe my passion and desire for Him in those first couple of years as a Christian. This obsession led me to become heavily involved in ministry, even moving to a different country to serve as a missionary, just so I could satisfy this desire to serve Him and know Him more. It all started with love - the most basic and pure kind of love.

To be honest, the trials and hard times I went through on the mission field were extremely difficult and discouraging. By God's grace, I count it a very sweet season, but I cannot say that I left more in love with God or more healthy as a whole than when I arrived. And even as I stepped out to continue ministering in Raleigh with the Community Hope mentoring program, I often felt like I was fighting to get back to that place of loving and obsessing over Him. The most basic and pure kind of love that I once experienced, that caused me to say "yes" to whatever He asked of me, seemed to be buried somewhere deep within. I have always loved God and have never lost my relationship or devotion to Him, but looking back, these past couple of years left me in an anxious state, rarely responding to trials in faith and just not thriving as a person. And it's my belief that God's children should be thriving above any other people group in the world. So, what went wrong?

Well, to give you a taste of the ways in which God has been encountering me here, I'll share an experience I had with Him just a few weeks ago that left me changed forever. I was doing a homework assignment and reading about the life of David in the Bible. God called David to be the greatest king the nation of Israel had ever known when David was a meek and mild shepherd. God took his "small life" and did something extravagant with it. This Scripture rocked me to the core. And God began to speak to me in such a clear way. He said, "Mallory, do you not know that I loved you first? I chose you first. You may choose me and worship me and serve me, but remember that I chose you and sang over you and died for you first." The Lord rebuked me in the most loving way. Though it changed my life completely when I received his love and grace and mercy in the beginning of our relationship, as time moved on, I began to try very hard to pour out my own love and devotion and energy to serve Him. My fire started going out because I was living out of a belief that loving Him and serving Him well had to come from me, and I forgot that He loves me more than I could ever love Him. The truth is that it all comes from Him - He pursued us first - He called us out of bondage - He gave us new names and new life - we didn't do that. And if we don't live from this truth, burn out and dryness will happen. I experienced it first-hand.

This is going to be a journey. We will never get to a place on this earth when we will fully know His love for us. But we should begin to walk in the right direction - letting Him take care of us and hold our hand and love us extravagantly. For we cannot truly know Him if we don't do so, and we cannot know who we are without first knowing who He is. I'm thankful for this new revelation, and it's just the beginning. If you don't feel like you've been actively receiving God's love for you, or if it's become difficult for you to believe that He loves you more than anything, go talk to Him. Invite Him to speak truth and life about that into your heart. It's so important for us to live as beloved children whose Father created us and chose us since the beginning of time to be extravagantly loved by Him. May we allow this Love to change us from the inside out, so that we can thrive in His Kingdom for His Glory.

Shalom!