I've been thinking recently about desires. There seems to be different thoughts around this topic, especially in the Church. I've gotten the impression from many Christians and church doctrines that if something is God's will, it's going to be hard or ugly or undesirable. I don't think this is true. Can He surprise us with what He puts in our path? Sure. Can the path He calls us to be challenging to be point of suffering? Yes. But I no longer think there is a disconnect between what we want and what God wants. I think that we are created with good desires. However, how we behave in order to make those desires a reality can be ugly. How we become discontent in waiting on God to act and fulfill our desires can lead us to undesirable things. But I don't believe that God's will for us and our deepest desires and dreams are disconnected. I think He knows us better than we know ourselves, and when we follow Him, He really gives us what we want. So at times what He calls us to may not make total since at first. But I believe it is always what we want and need at our core.
I'm speaking from experience, but I think many of us think certain desires must be wrong. A few examples would be sexual desires, desires to be known, desires to be loved, desires to have abundance (of whatever), and desires to have fun. What if none of these are wrong or bad? What if these are good desires God gives us because He actually fulfills them? What if He created us this way? I think there is little wrong with wanting to be known or loved, but I think it is wrong to depend on people to fulfill that because inevitably they fail or disappoint us. However, we are known and deeply loved - so our desires are not bad, but in this "off kilter" world, they become skewed and impure.
Take a look at desires you have. Before you beat yourself up for it and try to suppress them, ask yourself why you desire that and how it's being fulfilled. Ask God to show you as well. Maybe you desire an abundance of money. Is that bad? Is God not a God of abundance, and you His child of abundance? But, why do you want an abundance of money? Where is your heart in it? And what would you do with it if you had the amount you wish for? See, it's not about the desire in and of itself, but the heart behind it. Maybe you desire abundance because you were created for it, but you were never created to be greedy, jealous, or prideful. So the problem does not lie in the original desire, but in the pursuit of the desire or meaning of it, which can be ugly at times.
I want to give you an illustration. Someone desires to kill another person. They're part of a gang that exalts killing people and treats it as something necessary for belonging to their group. This person's desire is to kill, but what was their original desire? Was it to kill someone or was it to be loved and accepted, something they probably never received as a child? Their desire to be part of something that made them feel like they belonged turned very ugly when they couldn't find it, when people around them constantly rejected them through abuse or neglect. Being part of a hateful group was probably not something they imagined for themselves as a child, but as they grew older with the desire to still feel like they belonged (which is how they're made) they turned to the only group of people who offered them "hope and a future", even if it was fake.
I think this intense illustration is important because this truth applies at all levels. And the root desire, the one God gave us, can be skewed and the enemy can put temptations in our path to deceive us and lead us down a path of destruction. The original desire was not bad, but the outcome can be when we follow anyone but God in pursuing it. Anyways, friend, don't suppress your desires or try to get rid of them. Just ask God to purify them and make them whole like they once were. Without those desires you will not be you, and you will not be able to experience God fully.
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